Doctors, It’s Time to Understand Fertility Better

April 5, 2024April 5, 2024 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ Leave a comment

The fact that I know more than many OB/GYNs about the science of fertility is a problem.

By now many have seen the Washington Post article, which chastises the ignorant women of the world for listening to the dangerous spoutings-off of TikTok folk who lambast the dangers of hormonal contraception and urge women to use the…gasp rhythm method, which is proven to fail and will result in untold unintended pregnancies and therefore also more abortions.

I wish I could have read that article and assumed the best. I wish I could have assumed that they had cherry picked a doctor who would feed them quotes perfect for clickbait and that this was an isolated ridiculous article in a sea of medical professionals who obviously do better.

But, as a woman, I’ve lived through too much of my own experience to deny the fact that this OB/GYN represents a lot of medical professionals out there who believe it is either contraception (for smart people who care about being responsible contributors to society) or the rhythm method (for the ignorant uneducated rest.)

Three Scenarios

One: I was seventeen years old and mentioned that my menstrual cramps were fairly painful each month. I was not sexually active, and yet I was put on a daily birth control pill to manage my menstrual symptoms. Did I understand what that pill was doing to my natural hormonal cycle each month? No. Did I gain weight and experience other side effects while I was on it? Yes

Then, in college, I was still not sexually active and was prescribed the Depo-Provera shot to address similar period symptoms. I was told this would stop my periods altogether! Miracle of miracles I could be free! What resulted was months and months of constant spotting, and one scenario where I experienced significant bleeding out of the blue and at a very inopportune time. I also felt extremely weird not having my cycle regularly. It was almost as if something inside me knew that my body wasn’t working as it should…

I couldn’t even count the number of women I know who share a similar story. At best, putting women who are having issues with their menstrual cycle on a pill is putting a band-aid on a larger issue.

In most other health situations that I can think of, doctors observe a patient’s symptoms, then systematically work toward figuring out the root cause so they can treat the root cause and resolve the issue for their patient. I have pondered the questions for years of why fertility symptoms are treated by default so often with the band-aid method. Hormonal contraception does not actually treat the root cause of many cycle irregularities, and doctors aren’t actually treating women when they don’t know enough about fertility to research root causes and work to solve them. Women deserve better.

Two: I was four children in by this point, and had been seeing the same midwife team for a while for my general care between pregnancies. I had talked to them about the fact that I practice fertility awareness for my family planning. I know I had used those exact words because I intentionally opted out of the more religiously affiliated “Natural Family Planning” or NFP phraseology when answering their questions.

Months later, I showed up to a regular check-up appointment and the nurse doing my intake goes: “Are you still using the rhythm method?”

I wish I could have gone back and been more assertive about it, but I think I was so surprised at the moment and caught off guard that I awkwardly corrected her. But the fact is that my chart was inaccurate.

That moment also speaks to one of the main issues with the Washington Post article: that many people who literally specialize in women and childbirth and fertility don’t understand that the rhythm method is not the only option besides contraception. They live in a dichotomous world that doesn’t exist.

I’m assuming that many failures of the medical institution are at play here. The accountability probably lies partly with the individual practitioners who don’t do their research. Some of it might lie with medical colleges who likely don’t offer enough class time to the ins and outs of a woman’s cycle.

But the fact that I know more than a lot of these doctors is a big ole mix of frustrating and exhausting too. We’ve been practicing fertility awareness since about 2016 and we’ve had exactly two children in that time, both of whom we were open to having. The fact that I have not gotten accidentally pregnant in the four years since having our youngest is not a surprise to me, nor is it a stroke of good luck. I know each month when my body is getting ready to ovulate and increasing in estrogen. I know when ovulation is imminent and LH is surging. And I know when ovulation has passed because my progesterone rises.

The real, actual world that we exist in involves the options of contraception, the rhythm method, and any number of fertility awareness approaches that leverage the science of fertility. These approaches can not only assist families in avoiding pregnancy (at rates that match contraception) but also in achieving it if that is their goal (which can sometimes help women avoid needing more intensive fertility interventions.)

Three: My daughters. I am raising three girls in this world, and that has me thinking a lot about what we do to help young women understand what their bodies are doing.

As a girl myself, I was taught that fertility is a mysterious thing, that women menstruate about every 28 days and ovulate around day 14. I was taught that that is about all you can know about it. Girls today, in many cases, are still being taught these same things though they are all inaccurate.

I know that I will be looking for doctors for my girls who have put in the work to understand that a woman’s fertility is a good and healthy thing and who will help them understand and appreciate how their bodies function.

How helpful would it have been to learn that you can know when your period is going to start because your basal body temperature drops? I use the Oura ring and I can simply look at my BBT graph on the app to know what’s about to happen. It would have alleviated so much anxiety of getting caught off guard with a period starting when I forgot to bring the necessary supplies to school that day. Heck, it would have been helpful to simply have been told that cervical fluid is a normal, healthy thing to have and that there is a hormonal reason why the amount of fluid changes throughout the month.

We can do better in educating young women to read the language of their bodies, and to start off from the foundation that their fertility is healthy and good.

The Worst of All

But most of all, the Washington Post article is concerning because it frames women’s fertility as a problem to be solved. A burden to bear. A mystery that women are foolish to even try to solve without the help of a pharmaceutical product.

And I can’t help but think that is so incredibly backwards and harmful to women. Part of being a woman is being built with the potential to create new human life inside us. I straight up tell my daughters that our ability to do that is a superpower. That we can co-create with God to add more people made in His image to this earth. It’s awesome. It’s a gift. It is something to be understood, not something to be treated.

Women who seek to understand their fertility are not using the rhythm method. We are not uneducated or ignorant. In many cases, we know more than our doctors about how the science of fertility works and we choose to work with our bodies, not against them to navigate planning our families. We are healthier for it.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again- fertility is among the only, if not the only bodily system that we artificially suppress even when (and sometimes especially when) it is functioning exactly as it should. We live in a time when we understand more about fertility than ever before in human history. We know the hormones involved and the physical symptoms of those hormones, both of which we can track!

Image courtesy of: https://birthcontrol.com/options/fertility-awareness-method/

Since the flawed charting at my appointment, I have switched to a practitioner who can look at my monthly charts and make sense of them alongside me. Someone who won’t ever offer me IUDs or the pill or the depo shot. It sometimes takes effort or a bit of extra drive time to find medical professionals who understand fertility well or who respect the choice to work with our bodies in a more natural way, but it is so very worth the effort.

I am hoping and asking other medical professionals, especially those who work with women, to at the very least read up on this subject. There are so many resources that are easy to find. The patient knowing more than the doctor is troubling. I urge those in the medical field to do better. And please do not take the Washington Post article as sound medical advice. No, I would not recommend the rhythm method. But the real ignorance lies with the doctor who says that’s the only option besides contraception that women have.

This letter is free for you to read, but it took time and energy to produce. If you’re interested in supporting the work of This Catholic Family, I would be honored if you would consider upgrading your subscription. Or, you can always buy me a coffee here.

-Lorelei

When The Church Breaks Your Heart

March 29, 2024March 29, 2024 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ 7 Comments

Rose Colored Glasses

Some of my Catholic author credits state that I “joyfully received the Sacrament of Confirmation on Easter Vigil in 2016.”

Those words are certainly more than true.

After living my life as a passionate, Jesus-loving Evangelical, and then as a quiet agnostic afraid to leave the routine and community of church-going life, in 2016 I stood in front of thousands of people in a beautiful cathedral and confirmed my decision to live the rest of my life in the Roman Catholic Church. It had been a long, harrowing journey, but I will never forget the feeling I had that night. I felt so intimately connected to Church history, to the Church established by our Savior over 2,000 years ago. I know this is a favorite cliché among converts, but I literally felt like I had finished a long journey and finally had found my way home.

To me, everything about the Church was beautiful. The truth of it, the traditions, the Sacraments and the infusions of grace that come with them. Even the churches themselves, the stone Cathedrals, the stained glass, the columns that stretch to the heavens. The transcendence of it all that pulled my heart closer to my Lord and Savior.

I had the privilege of the first seven years since my conversion to keep those sweet rose-colored glasses largely intact.

One year ago, that changed.

It was bad, my friends. Even writing it out, it is difficult to accurately convey the seismic shift- the millions of tiny ripple effects that impacted multiple areas of life and that in many ways still do. But, in vague terms, some of the people in our community didn’t like a decision that someone in authority made. It wasn’t a morally problematic decision, but it was unpopular with some people. And the reaction to that decision threatened to tear the community apart.

The former Protestant in me railed- at the very least, aren’t we a group of people who assent to authority? This is how schisms start! We don’t have to like every decision, but a pastoral decision that we disagree with certainly isn’t reason enough to foment a full-scale rebellion, sights set on destruction???

Ah, Lorelei, you sweet summer child.

As someone who didn’t grow up Catholic, this shocked me. I knew that the many, many different denominations that I had gone to church at over the years were all a result of a schism, at one time or another, from a different church just a little further up on the branch of the Protestant family tree. As Catholics, surely we don’t do that. We assent to the authority of the Pope, of our Bishops, and of our Pastors because we believe Jesus established a Church and set it up that way for good reason.

I’m sure I had vaguely heard of parishes having extreme struggles before, but it was always distant, always far away. None of it ever felt even remotely close to hitting home. And then when we found ourselves smack dab in the middle of one of these struggles, I found my Catholic rose-colored glasses ripped off as I absorbed blowing winds around me.

I haven’t been able to find them since.

When Home Isn’t Safe

Some of the things that followed were incredibly painful. People began whispering about others and refusing to talk to them. I watched as a big ole game of telephone took place before me, as if all the grown-ups forgot that the point of that game is the farther away you get from the source, the farther away you get from the truth. In grown-up telephone, the distortions get bigger and louder, and sometimes they even grow teeth. I would be delighted to never hear another person start a sentence with “Well I heard…” ever again.

Our decision to support the authority of our church resulted in one of our children being bullied in a group text filled with her classmates, despite the fact that she doesn’t even have a phone. She found out the next day because the bullying left the digital sphere and spilled over into cruel words and harsh exclusion when she arrived at school the following morning. When she found out why, she rushed out of her classroom in tears.

I received an incredibly aggressive and hurtful email that left my heart racing and my hands shaking in front of my children that came from someone who I thought was kind. People stopped talking to us, stopped looking at us, stopped acknowledging our human presence entirely and in some cases I don’t think that I’ll ever get the chance to ask why.

Those are just a few of the pain points, though there were many more.

I’ve thought for months now that I want to get some words out about what happened, but I’ve also put pressure on myself to have come to some grand resolution about it all. I hoped that at some point I’d have some wise words to share about how I found my rose colored glasses, straightened out the bridge, and set them right back on my nose.

That hasn’t happened, and I’m not entirely sure that it will. I’m even starting to think that maybe I’m not meant to go back to the way things were before.

Before last spring, I would hear about people who left the Church because the people inside the Church are broken and can sometimes cause pain to others. It’s difficult to admit, but I’ve been internally judgey to people who leave the Church for a reason like that. I am quick to point out that Judas was a disciple, and that Peter denied Jesus three times on the literal night that he died for our sins, and that therefore leaving the Church because of a rotten egg or two doesn’t make any sense. People are imperfect, and that fact doesn’t do a single thing to alter the truth of Catholicism on the whole.

I get why people leave the church now.

Moving forward, I’m going to be a lot more humble when I learn about people who have experienced pain at the hands of fellow Catholics and who, in their pain, decided to leave. Because while the people in the Church are not the entirety of the Church, they are the face of the Church and the hands and the feet of the Church and therefore they become a representation of the Church to others. When those people do hurtful things, it is incredibly difficult to untangle the objective beauty of Catholicism and the ugliness right in front of your face.

It can feel like the very earth beneath your feet has been torn away to think you’ve found a safe space and then to find yourself feeling the exact opposite of safe in the community you chose to call home.

Good Friday

Easter weekend is right around the one year anniversary of when the path became increasingly difficult for us to walk, and as a person prone to marking landmarks in time and using them as opportunities to reflect, I found myself talking to JP about the past year as we sat outside our cabin on our recent trip to the Smoky Mountains.

“I don’t want the Church to be ugly,” I said. “I want it to be beautiful.”

In fact, that longing of my heart hits especially close to home today, on Good Friday, as I publish this post. It is the eight year anniversary of my entrance into the Catholic Church. Eight years since one of the most beautiful days of my life.

Another reason that I converted was I fell in love with the idea of “both/and,” a common refrain in so much of the Church’s logic and theology. Jesus is both God and human. We follow both scripture and tradition. God can have created the world and we can also accept science. On and on, the both/ands of our faith drew me to it and made me love it all the more.

And so, I have to fight internally rolling my eyes as I find myself begrudgingly admitting that maybe the Church is both ugly and beautiful at the same time. For the past year I’ve been wanting either/or- I’ve been wishing for and longing for and mourning the loss of the idea that it could possibly be all beauty. That it could leave any sliver of ugliness behind.

Good Friday is a perfect example of this, and therefore perhaps today is a perfect day for me to wrestle through it.

Jesus on the cross, purpled with bruising, nails in his hands, blood dripping down his face was objectively an ugly sight to see. But the fact that he chose that, out of love for us makes it also incredibly, astonishingly, breathtakingly beautiful too.

His suffering, and our own, is ugly. Loneliness, pain of any kind is a symptom of our fallen world and it stinks. But we also know, because of the cross, that something in that suffering, when put to work, can also bring about redemption.

We can’t skip Good Friday and still have Easter morning, can we.

I find that I like the idea of redemptive suffering far more than I like the actual suffering itself. I am certain that I will be wading through the murky waters of what happened for many years to come, along with any other suffering that comes my way. But just because I don’t like it, doesn’t mean that it isn’t important, or that there isn’t beauty to be found.

Some of my healing over the past year has come in the form of leaning into those true, good, and beautiful things. Finding consolation in the lives of the Saints, who lived very human lives and let God fill them up so much that there was nothing else. I’m drawn as much as ever into beautiful, reverent liturgy. I have carved out more time for stillness and quiet in prayer.

A year later, and things in our community are better now, by quite a lot. The culture is rebuilding and it feels healthier and on its way to becoming whole. If we had to do it again, we would have made the same decisions. I believe in the authority of the Church. It’s one of the major reasons I became Catholic in the first place.

I’m going to try and sit with these thoughts today, and in the days and weeks to come. I will wrestle through the idea of a church that can be ugly sometimes but that is also incredibly beautiful too. I will try and strip away the idea that in this area I must insist on an either/or.

During our recent porch conversation, JP suggested that maybe those years where I was able to wear my rose-colored glasses were a grace from God to let me settle in. This next part is harder, to be sure, but I also feel it is incumbent on me to not just be a passive recipient of the beauty of the Church, a consumer of it, if you will. I understand more than ever the importance of becoming part of the beauty of the Church, of leaning into the beautiful things and letting the grace of God form me so I look more and more like Him.

I don’t think I have come to any profound conclusions about the suffering we endured this past year.

But I do know this.

In a few hours, our family will load up into the minivan and go to gaze upon the cross. The ugliness of it. The beauty of it. And I will keep my heart open to the profound intermingling of the two.

-Lorelei

A Helpful Phrase for Trying Times

March 20, 2024March 20, 2024 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ Leave a comment

Lorelei Savaryn ponders the power of the words “so that” in being open to the movement of God in the midst of human struggle.

This past year, I have walked through a number of struggles that at times were rife with uncertainty and confusion. It has been tempting at times to emotionally distance myself from God because, for me at least, it is easier to be happy with God when things are going well on the whole than it is when I’m being asked to navigate some kind of storm. Difficult times make it easy to call into question God’s goodness, or God’s involvement in my life, much more than the easy times do.

But the truth is, at any given moment, most of us must coexist with struggle. Sometimes those struggles are bigger; other times they take up a smaller place in our lives, but it’s a rare day when we haven’t faced some trial, no matter the scale.

Maybe a relationship has broken down, or maybe you are being asked to sit a while in the waiting place until you learn what’s coming next. Maybe you’re feeling lonely, or that you’ve lost yourself somewhere along the way and aren’t sure how to get yourself back. Maybe you got stuck in traffic, or forgot to pack a lunch, or are simply waiting for the sun to break through an endless stretch of clouds.

No matter what it is, we’re all there at some point or another, or maybe even most of the time.

As I navigate the situations in my own life, I am finding it helpful to ponder the phrase so that as a way to help direct my suffering toward God and helps keep my heart open to Him.

The idea of so that is a leaning in to trust that God does care very much about our trials. It is a leaning into hope that we are going through a thing for a reason that is good for us and/or for those who we interact with. It is choosing to believe that there is a picture bigger than the piece we can see.

So that allows me to affirm that God has allowed anything that I am facing into my life. I also believe that God is not in the habit of asking us to walk through something without a purpose. So when I’m in any of those struggling places, it can help to look around and be open to the potential reasons that God might be asking me to navigate the struggle, even if I don’t know what they are, so that something good can come, even if that something good is not unknown to me for today, or even for a long time to come. Leaning into the idea of so that helps cultivate patience. It helps to cultivate an openness to look around and pay attention for signs that God is working.

Are we in a boring job so that we can be done with work at the end of the day and be mentally and emotionally present for our kids?

Are we stuck in traffic so that we can grow in some virtue that is vital to our holiness?

Are we feeling lonely so that we can learn to better depend on God?

We can ask those questions, but we don’t even need to arrive at any answers in order for so that to be helpful. I’m sure that God’s reasons for allowing us or asking us to walk through a difficult time are as varied as the number of souls on this earth, but no matter the reason and no matter if or when we learn what the reason is, we can trust that the reason is there. We can be assured that there is a so that that God has in mind. And that can help us not only make it through a challenge, but to allow that challenge to do the work it is meant to do.

-Lorelei

Finding A Quiet Place

February 22, 2024February 22, 2024 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ Leave a comment

Lorelei Savaryn reflects on the wisdom of finding quiet places, even when life is full.

This letter is free for you to read, but it took time and energy to produce. If you’re interested in supporting the work of This Catholic Family, I would be honored if you would prayerfully consider upgrading your subscription. Or, you can always buy me a coffee here.

Since beginning spiritual direction last year, I have been learning more about and practicing Lectio Divina, a meditative kind of prayer where I immerse myself in a section of scripture. As a convert, this kind of praying was new for me. In my life as an Evangelical most of my prayer was me talking to Jesus. Lectio Divina is a lot of listening, and it is also a lot of just, as my spiritual director calls it, “wasting time with God.”

Of late, it has caught my attention during these prayers how often in the Gospels Jesus goes to a quiet place to be alone, or at least tries to. He has a difficult time finding solitude because of how intensely the people are pulled to Him, but still, time and time again, He withdraws to a quiet place. How like motherhood, I think, as I read these stories. It seems that almost every time I try to find some quiet, a little person comes near and needs something from me, whether it be a cup of milk or a hug. We sacrifice a lot of solitude as mothers, for the absolute best of reasons, and we can relate very much to Jesus in that.

But I also think there is wisdom to be found in the fact that Jesus continues to make time to at least try to step away. Moving ourselves out from under the noise of the day to day, even for a little while, is beautiful, and it can be healing, especially when interwoven with prayer.

It is my goal during this Lent to try more intentionally to make space for quiet places. And to hopefully meet Jesus there sometimes. Our barriers to finding quiet might look different from person to person, from home to home, but below is a list of some ideas on how we can carve out more solitude in our busy days as mothers.

I find that I lose a lot of potentially quiet moments scrolling social media. It isn’t always filled with physical noise, but it does bring in a mental noise that grabs at my attention, turning it this way and that. Perhaps choosing to not scroll, or to make set times each day when we avoid it will allow us to more easily dip our toes into a quiet place.
I used to take short walks when my firstborn was a baby, and even those little stretches of time helped a lot in the middle of the fog of new motherhood. That baby is now twelve, and there are three others besides, and I find I’m still so quick to make an excuse to stay inside. Maybe it’s too cold, or too windy, or not sunny enough, but I also know that whenever I still step outside and take a short stroll, it does wonders. To hear the wind in the trees, and the birds chirping…there isn’t much else like it. Maybe it’s possible to prioritize stepping away from everything for a short while a few times a week to take a solo stroll.
I love listening to music. Listening to songs has always been therapeutic for me, and is one of my favorite forms of worship. I also find that more often than not, when I am in the minivan by myself, one of the first things I do is turn on the radio or hit play on a podcast. There’s an opportunity for quiet there as well. Maybe we get so used to our vehicle being a noisy place, that its strange when we aren’t accompanied by the noise of our kids. But I wonder what would happen if I let myself drive in the quiet for a little while … if I didn’t turn on the noise.

These are just a few suggestions that show up often in my life that I hope might be helpful. Perhaps others among us have different noise inputs in any given day, or maybe other moms have noise sources that they default to in a world where it can sometimes feel like the only response to being overstimulated is to find a way to zone out with a different source of stimulation.

Click to tweet:
Moving ourselves out from under the noise of the day to day, even for a little while, is beautiful, and it can be healing, especially when interwoven with prayer. #CatholicMom

But I also think that Lent is a great time to examine our lives when held up to the life of Christ. And we know that he prioritized solitude, moving away from the noise, on a regular basis. He did it when he was able to steal away, and he did it still even if the people still found him. Jesus’ pursuit of solitude teaches us that there is value to be found in seeking the quiet. There is value for us as mothers to find quiet spaces in our days and weeks. May the pursuit, and the times we enter into the quiet, draw us closer to Him.

-Lorelei

Heaven’s Light Shining Through

December 19, 2023December 19, 2023 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ Leave a comment

Lorelei Savaryn reflects upon a visit to the shrine of Our Lady of Champion during Advent.

This letter is free for you to read, but it wasn’t free for me to produce. If you’re interested in supporting the work of This Catholic Family, I would be honored if you would prayerfully consider upgrading your subscription. Or, you can always buy me a coffee here.

Our Lady of Champion is located in the middle of Wisconsin dairyland, a set of buildings and curated grounds surrounded by cattle and fields. I grew up less than 30 minutes from there, the only approved Marian Apparition site in the USA. I don’t remember ever realizing this, though I must have driven past the signs on the roads when I was out on that side of town. On a recent visit to the Green Bay area, our family was finally able to visit this site for the very first time.

I used to associate the word apparition with ghosts when I was a kid, and therefore the idea of a Marian apparition took on a strange, unsettling nature during my life before my Catholic conversion. I’ve since learned that many words that meant certain things to me as an evangelical: words like prayer, worship, veneration, and apparition, to name a few, have taken on new, more profound layers of meaning since becoming Catholic. For example, apparition doesn’t need to have anything to do with ghosts—it has to do with an appearance, and in the case of Marian apparitions, the appearance of the Mother of our Lord.

The story of Champion, and Adele, and God’s call to her through Mary to teach children the faith, inspired our family during our visit. The oratory, a darkened below-ground space lit with the glow of hundreds of candles, drew us all into prayer. Even our 4-year-old wrote the letters she knew on a prayer card and left her intentions to the heart of God and Mary. Behind a large statue of Mary, there is a cabinet filled with relics from the apostles and many beloved saints.

It felt particularly moving to visit this site for the very first time during Advent. Advent is a season of waiting and a season of hope. It leads us forward toward the moment when the light of heaven shot down to earth in the dazzling ray of our Savior being born, of God entering into humanity so that everyone could see Him and know Him, the author of our salvation.

There are frequent moments in the story of the Christian faith where heaven breaks through and sends its light down to us. Many such occasions are recorded in the Bible: the angels appearing to the shepherds, the Transfiguration, Saul’s conversion, and more. Our visit to Our Lady of Champion reminded us all that heaven still breaks through into our world, rays of light piercing our everyday existence and reminding us of God and all he has done. Of the work he calls us to do. Of His abundant love for us all.

As mothers, we are all called to teach our children the faith, just as Mary helps to teach us, just as Mary called Adele in the farmlands of Champion, Wisconsin over a century ago. As Christians, we are called to hope in something greater than ourselves. We are called to trust in the Love that came down, breaking through our darkness. And we are grateful for the ways that God still shows us his glory through the witness of the saints, through the sacraments, and through visitations from those in heaven, especially His immaculate Mother.

Let us draw near to the heart of Mary during this holy Advent season, and to listen to her guidance for our hearts and our lives, as we wait for the Savior to come.

– Lorelei

What’s The Deal With Catholic Relics? (And how we ended up with one in our home!)

November 13, 2023 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ Leave a comment

I am over seven years past my Catholic confirmation, and I did not really know much or think much about the relics of the Saints until recently. JP and I had been listening to The Exorcist Files, a great podcast that is engaging catechesis on the experiences of an official Catholic exorcist and the theology behind spiritual warfare and the demonic. The Priest, Fr. Carlos Martins, is also known as “The Relic Guy,” and in one episode, he shared how the relics of the Saints can be a useful tool in combating demons as they can cause demons considerable distress.

This prompted me to want to learn more about relics!

What Are Relics?

In brief, a relic of a Saint is either part of a Saint’s body, or something they owned, or something they touched. There are three degrees of relics:

1st Class Relics: These are parts of the body of a Saint (bone or flesh, for example)

2nd Class Relics: These are possessions that the Saint owned.

3rd Class Relics: These are objects that have been touched to a first or second class relic, or they can be objects that the Saint touched.

An interesting tidbit is that every Catholic church should have at least one relic inside the main altar! Might be worth checking with your local parish Priest to see if he knows whose relic your parish has.

Biblical References to Relics

I was also very interested to learn that there are many examples of relics being objects that God uses for His glory in several instances of the Bible. In 2nd Kings 13:20-21, we see a man being buried. He is cast into the grave of Elisha and upon touching Elisha’s bones (a first class relic), the man revives.

In Acts 5:15-16, people go out onto the streets hoping that even Paul’s shadow will fall upon them so they can be healed.

In Acts 19:11-12, handkerchiefs and aprons that Paul had touched (3rd class relic) were taken off to people who were sick or possessed and they were healed.

There are others, but even those three passages show us that God sometimes uses relics as a tool in healings. The relics themselves are not magical, nor do they have any power on their own, God is the one who heals, but his grace can reach us through the Saints in a mysterious way.

How We Ended Up With A Relic of St. Anthony

My kids love to bring home items from the “Free to Take” table at our parish. This often means we’re coming home with prayer cards, or pictures of the Divine Mercy, or little trinkets from religious organizations that send out things in the mail. One day this summer, I was rifling through a drawer in our kitchen that contained many items from the “Free to Take” table, and I found a relic of St. Anthony preserved inside a metal frame!

Imagine my surprise! Now, the relic is a very small piece of fabric, and is very likely a 3rd class relic- something that has been touched to a first or 2nd class relic, but it’s still really cool! We ask St. Anthony for prayers to God for things that we’ve lost pretty often, so it seems especially fitting that I “found” this relic that was right under our noses for a while!

Do Relics Matter?

At the end of the day, any healing or good that comes to us in this world is from God, but I do think it’s pretty awesome that God uses holy men and women, and even sometimes the objects that they owned or touched, to be a vessel for His grace. It’s another way to take something spiritual and to connect it with our tangible experience here on earth. Remembering the Saints and their lives and how they followed God so closely is becoming more and more of an inspiration to me as time goes on.

-Lorelei

Modern Picture Book Recommendations for Advent and Christmas!

November 3, 2023 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ 2 Comments

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase something through a link here, I receive a small commission from the seller.

What’s Out There

As an author, mom, and former classroom teacher, I love a good thematic book collection! Believe me, I’ve looked at many of the most popular Advent and Christmas book lists for Catholic families, and purchased multiple titles to share with our kids.

One thing I noticed, however, is that many of the book lists for Catholic families often feature classic stories that are many years old. There is certainly something to be said for a timeless tale, and the books on these lists absolutely deserve a place on the shelf, but there are also many more recent titles that are worthy of designation. The booklist below contains beautiful stories for Advent and Christmas that have come out within the past three years.

What’s New

The Jesse Tree For Families: This book is actually brand new, as of 2023. I received a copy to review for Catholic Mom, and I’m very excited on the approach this book takes to the Jesse Tree. We’ve tried different Jesse Tree books and activities in the past, but nothing has quite stuck. We have an eight year age gap between our oldest and our youngest kids, and I found some of the other resources out there didn’t stretch far enough in one direction or the other. This book has short picture book style stories, as well as a section for parents to learn more about each person or name of Jesus featured. There are also thoughtful questions for each day to encourage family discussion and immersion into scripture.

Purchase The Jesse Tree For Families Here

Season of Light by Jess Redman. This book is a simple, beautiful, and poetic representation of the traditions and people and beliefs that make this holiday season so very special. This is the kind of story I want to read to my children by the fire, Christmas lights aglow, as we wait for the birth of our Savior. It talks about counting down the days to Christmas, the anticipation, the joy, the giving, the singing, and more, all leading up to going to church on a star-filled snowy night.

Purchase Seasons of Light here

One Great Love: An Advent and Christmas Treasury of Readings, Poems, and Prayers. This is a lovely combination of the classic mixed with the new. Released in 2022, One Great Love is a beautifully curated collection of classic pieces of writing from years past combined in a new way, an elegant keepsake volume of stories, poems, prayers, and art from beloved writers through the centuries. Perfect for reading aloud as a family, giving to a neighbor, friend, or fellow literature-lover, or simply reading on your own with coffee in hand, this book is an invitation to a slower, more meaningful approach to the season of hope.

Purchase One Great Love here

The Light of Christmas Morning. I have not only purchased this gift for our children, but I also have gifted it to several others! This book follows a Catholic family as they celebrate Christmas Eve leading into Christmas Day. Families will recognize things like an Advent wreath and a statue of Mary in the home within the story, and it is always a joy for me as a mother to see our faith represented so beautifully and explicitly in a picture book.

Purchase The Light of Christmas Morning here

The Mass and The Manger: My Interactive Christmas Story. I have been a fan of Jennifer Sharpe since she first wrote My First Interactive Mass Book. We had a copy of that even before Ascension picked it up! The Mass and The Manger contains full page flaps that open up to reveal beautiful illustrations. As children interact with the flaps, they will discover that each scene from the nativity has a parallel in the Mass, leading them deeper into the true meaning of Christmas.

Purchase The Mass and The Manger here

If you would like to purchase all of these books through Bookshop.com, I also have the complete list linked here– including a few extra beautiful stories as well!

And there you have it, some modern, beautiful picture books for both Advent and Christmas!

Do you have a favorite Advent or Christmas story? Let me know in the comments!

-Lorelei

Should Catholic Families Celebrate Halloween?

October 29, 2023 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ Leave a comment

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-qme5f-14e4022

Join Catholic Convert and mother of four, Lorelei Savaryn, as she discusses the Catholic origins of Halloween, and how Catholic families can navigate trick-or-treating, haunted houses, and the Three Holy Days of Death.

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Should Catholic Families Celebrate Halloween?

October 24, 2023October 24, 2023 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ Leave a comment

The Catholic History of Halloween, Trick-or-Treating, and Whether or Not We’ll Let Our Kids go to a Haunted House!

The Halloween Dilemma for Catholic Families

As Catholics, we get a lot of mixed messages when it comes to Halloween. It was a even confusing holiday for me back when I was a Protestant Christian too! Many of the churches I went to opted for something along the lines of a Trunk-or-Treat hosted in the parking lot of the church vs. Trick-or-Treating. Some families didn’t celebrate the holiday at all, citing it as having evil origins and celebrating evil, which is of course something we want to avoid as people of the Christian faith.

The complication takes on a new layer when we need to navigate Halloween with our children. When there are Halloween parties at school and the opportunity to get tons of candy just by walking up to different houses.

So, how do we navigate Halloween and stay true to our Catholic faith? Below is an outline of what I have learned along our Catholic journey, and I hope it is helpful to you. That said, there is not one exact right way to navigate Halloween as a Catholic, and your individual family may make different choices in this area.

At the end of the day, our decisions hopefully lift us up in faith and draw us closer to God!

The Catholic History of Halloween

One of my favorite Halloween facts is that the word Halloween is an evolution of “All Hallows Eve.” As Catholics, we know that the Eve of something is the evening before a major religious event. Christmas Eve might be the prime example of this.

All Hallows Eve is the evening before All Saints Day! Hallow is a word that means holy, and so we are on the eve of a very holy day! In fact, Halloween, All Saints’ Day, and All Souls’ Day form a Triduum of Death- which isn’t really something to be scared of at all.

On All Hallows Eve, we anticipate the Holy Day of All Saints’ Day.

On All Saints’ Day, we celebrate and ask for the intercession of those who are in perfect union with God in Heaven.

On All Souls’ Day, we pray for the not yet holy dead.

These days also remind us of the inevitable end of our own earthly journeys and our progress toward heaven. By remembering our death, we are inspired to turn more fully toward God, and to live each day well.

But the truth behind of Halloween can get confusing when we set it into our culture.

For our Protestant brothers and sisters who don’t believe in purgatory, ghosts take on a more sinister form, and are often viewed as evil in nature. People who practice paganism are quick to claim the holiday as their own, but that conclusion lacks significant historical context or backing. Unfortunately, in all practicality, these two factors combined obstruct the Catholic origins and meaning of holiday (origins: holy day) and cause misconceptions and confusion.

Those factors don’t change the Catholic origins of Halloween, but they can make it more difficult to see the truth through all the noise.

Trick-or-Treating

All that is to say that yes, we allow our children to dress up and go trick-or-treating. There is evidence to suggest that this particular tradition originated in Europe from the baking of soul cakes on All Hallows Eve. On All Saints’ and All Souls’ Day, children would go from house to house begging for the cakes and promising to pray for the deceased relatives of the cake-givers in return.

Modern trick-or-treating is no longer connected explicitly to praying for the dead, but a Catholic family could easily offer up prayers for the deceased loved ones in the neighborhood we trick-or-treat through.

One rule that we follow in our home is that we don’t allow costumes that glorify anything evil. I’ve seen a lot of great ideas for costumes that feature people from the Bible or Catholic Saints, but so far our kids have mostly shown interest in dressing up like characters from their favorite movies and shows. This year, I believe we will also have one taco in the house.

Haunted Houses, Yes or No?

We have, however, decided as a family that haunted houses will not be part of our Halloween traditions, even as the kids get older, as long as they live in our home. This might sound strange to anyone who knows me and who knows that I write spooky stories for young readers, but allow me to explain.

I enjoy reading and writing spooky books. I like watching spooky movies. But, really, I should be more specific when I say things like that because what I mean is that I like spooky things that elevate what is true and good. Any book I write or recommend for kids that has spooky elements, will ultimately show good triumphing over evil in the end. It will highlight goodness, truth, and light, and even though the characters might face something scary, evil will never win. Those are important lessons for kids and adults alike, and we can use reminders of the reality of evil, but also of the healing power of God and the hope that comes from fighting for what is good and right.

I believe that haunted houses fall into a different category entirely. Haunted houses often glorify evil for evil’s sake. Their goal is to highlight and emphasize the truly scary and dangerous, and to turn those things into a form of entertainment. There is no redemption at the end of a haunted house. A haunted house simulates a world in which evil has won, and that isn’t the kind of thing we want to spend our time, energy, or money on.

Of course, we can’t control what our kids will do when they’re grown, but we hope we are able to teach them the difference between something that is scary but points to truth and something that glorifies evil before they head out on their own.

How to Have a Catholic Halloween With Your Family

In conclusion, there are many ways to continue the religious traditions of the Triduum of Death.

We can ensure that our families don’t partake in any of the cultural traditions that glorify evil, whether through visiting haunted houses or choosing costumes that represent characters with. an evil nature.

We can call to mind the progression of our life, our death, and our ultimate destination by praying for the deceased of the homes we trick-or-treat at, and attending All Saints’ Day Mass (a Holy Day of Obligation!), as well as All Souls’ Day.

We can have healthy conversations with our kids when they ask us about things like ghosts, haunted houses, and our beliefs surrounding good vs. evil and death. We can educate ourselves on Church teaching on these matters so we are ready to answer their questions as they come and can be ready to instruct when opportunities arise.

All in all, I believe that understanding the Catholic roots of Halloween can be enriching and edifying for Catholic Families. I’d love to learn in the comments if you have any particular ways you navigate this holiday with your families too!

Sources for this article and for further exploration:

Halloween and the Triduum of Death

Trick-or-Treat is Harmless Fun

The Catholic Origins of Trick-or-Treating

Do Ghosts Really Exist

-Lorelei

Catholic Motherhood: Navigating Aging With Gratitude and Grace

October 22, 2023 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ Leave a comment

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-g787n-14d96ce

In the first episode of This Catholic Family, Lorelei Savaryn encourages kindness towards our bodies and embracing the stories they tell as we age and highlights the importance of fostering a positive attitude toward aging for ourselves and the next generation. Tune in for a nourishing discussion on the transformative power of gratitude and grace in the journey of Catholic motherhood and aging gracefully.