When Motherhood is Lonely

July 5, 2017November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ Leave a comment

All The Lonely Mommas

Ever feel like you weren’t in the club?

Like people everywhere are talking about how thankful they are for their tribe or posting pictures of themselves online hanging out with their tribe and you feel like you’re standing in a corner of a room tentatively raising your hand, saying “Hey, I’d like one of those.”

I think there should be a parody of “All The Single Ladies,” and instead it could be called “All The Lonely Mommas.” At least then we’d have a cool beat to accompany the solitude.

Suffice it to to say, at times I’ve found this motherhood journey with young kids at home to be lonely. This is not to say that I don’t have friends and acquantences who I count on and like very much. I personally don’t have one cohesive tribe as much as I have packets of friends in a variety of different areas. I’m learning that’s okay, too. I don’t need to spend these years chasing after some mythical tribe where all my friends are friends with each other and we are all inseperable. This isn’t high school anymore, and, for some of us, developing a cohesive tribe has been a bit tricky to accomplish. I’m not really trying to accomplish it anymore so much as enjoy each individual friendship I have, as well as the ones I’m developing.

Working Mom/ SAHM

There’s also the loneliness accompanying whatever a mom’s work situation is. I’ve been both a working mom and a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) in the past three years.

When I worked, I had some amazing co-workers that I really liked. But we were all teachers. And teachers are busy. So there wasn’t a lot of time to socialize during the day. We were too busy teaching little brains. I also, during that phase, felt disconnected from my mom friends who were SAHM’s at the time. I couldn’t go to the play dates, the play groups, the during-the-day mommy stuff that helps to fill the long days at home with kids. And I was often too tired at night to do anything other than sit on the couch. Especially when I was pregnant. Social engagements became few and far between, which was, indeed, lonely.

When I have stayed home, I’ve been lonely in the long hours and sometimes full days that go by without talking to another adult. I got better at scheduling enough during the week that I didn’t feel like I was going to lose my mind, but the hours, especially at the end of the day, can drag. As much as I love the cuddles and playtimes, and stories, I also acknowledge that it is often lonely too.

It’s Nice To Meet You

For me, its been getting better. Mostly because I have made uncomfortable decisions over the past few years, on and off, to make new connections and put myself in places where new connections are possible.

A co-worker has a kid the same age? Set up a play date. There’s a mom’s group where you live? Try it out. That mom also standing alone on the other side of the park? Say hello. There’s a chance she is feeling lonely too.

Keep putting self out there. Show up. Introduce yourself. Stick hand out, smile and say “Hi, I’m _____. It’s nice to meet you.”

Sometimes that’s all that will come of it. A short, but hopefully pleasant encounter chatting about your kids and the weather and this and that. That’s okay. But sometimes the conversation will flow freely. Sometimes, you’ll schedule a playdate. Sometimes, you’ll make a new friend.

But you’ve gotta be willing to take the hits with the misses. It’s a numbers game. If you keep putting yourself out there, it’s a matter of when, not if before you start making some connections with people that connect with you.

I think we all do each other and ourselves a service when we acknowledge “This is hard.” Or “I’m lonely.” So let me be the first to say “That’s me.” Totally. It’s come in waves over the past five years of motherhood, and it has been getting better but yes I have been and still am lonely sometimes. So let’s do something to change it.

I’ll begin.

Hi, I’m Lorelei. It is very nice to meet you.

What about you? How have you made mom friends? What have been your own challenges at this phase of life?

Purchase Lorelei’s Books Here:

Lorelei is the author of creepy, magical, hopeful stories for children. Her debut, *The Circus of Stolen Dreams, released* in 2020. Her second book, a magical retelling of *The Secret Garden,* released in 2022. Both are available for purchase wherever books are sold.

Finding A New Mother In Mary

May 13, 2017November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ 2 Comments

Before I was Catholic, I focused on Mary during the holiday season. I mostly thought about her, pregnant and heavy laden, making the long journey for the census just before her baby was to be born. Tired, searching for a place to rest. Giving birth in a dirty, humble place. Holding the infant Jesus in a night where shepherds and angels and the light of a star paid Him heed. I had the honor of being in late stage pregnancy twice during the Advent season. I was very comfortable thinking about Mary then.

But I didn’t think about her much otherwise. Thoughts about Mary were safe during Advent and Christmas. But, like the tree and decorations we put up in our home, my thoughts of Mary, too, were boxed up and put away at the end of the season, until the following year. Mary belonged in a nativity scene, not in my life.

A Growing Admiration

All of that necessarily changes when one is on a journey to the Catholic Church. Mary plays such a key role in our salvation story, and Catholics aren’t afraid to acknowledge it. I know, based on the Bible and the teaching of The Church, that Mary is in heaven, and prays for us. I also know that Jesus listens carefully to what his mother requests of Him. Her role as the New Eve, the Ark of the New Covenant, her Immaculate Conception, her lifelong obedience and holiness, also are things I worked through as I prepared for Confirmation.

It became easy to realize there was much more to Mary than what I had previously thought. It became easy to be thankful for how precious a role God gave Mary, from the moment of her own conception. It became easy to admire her.

But, as I am learning, admiring someone is not the same thing as being in a relationship.

Baby Steps

As a teen, spending time with my mother wasn’t as high on the priority list, though that has long since changed. But in some ways, I think I still relate to Mary in that way. I know she loves me and is there for me, but I don’t often make time with her a priority. Some of the Rosary’s I’ve prayed have ended up being the most powerfrul prayers of my life, prayers that were clearly answered, and graces that were abundantly given.

So why don’t I do it more?

Perhaps it’s some tendency leftover from my Protestant days. The Rosary isn’t often one of the first prayers I go to, and even though it doesn’t take incredibly long, I often struggle at the time commitment a Rosary takes. I have been praying Hail Mary’s more often in my day to day life, which I think is a good baby step. But it feels too tiny sometimes, when I know the beautiful graces given to me through Mary on the occassions I have spent time intentionally turning to her.

But I also know Mary has a lot to offer me if I would not only spend time talking to her, but also listening.

I have so many wonderful mother figures in my life. There’s my mom, who has been with me since the beginning. I also have a step-mom, and a mother-in-law, as well as many other women who have been influential in my life.

But as much as these women have allowed me to talk and share my heart with them, I find I often learn the most when I listen to the wisdom they have to give me. And Mary has so very, very much wisdom to offer. Through her example in Scripture, through her presence in the ways she has appeared to many throughout history, offering Truth and encouragement and building our faith as a Church. This weekend, we are celebrating the 100th anniversary of Fatima, and that is just one of many examples of her intervention in our world. And I’m sure she would speak to my own heart, if I only would quiet myself and listen.

Many Mothers

I think a person has room for many mothers. Women who love, guide, and shape us. Who intercede for us. Who listen to us. Who offer us comfort. And I firmly believe Mary should be at the top of the list of Mothers in our lives.

Mom and Me, on the day of my Confirmation

Amazing 80’s Hair Mom!

On this Mother’s Day, it is my prayer that as I celebrate the earthly mothers in my life, I would also move closer to embracing my heavenly Mother, Mary. That I would allow her guidance and wisdom more and more into my own daily existence. That I would not take the blessing of having a heavenly Mother for granted. And that I would look to emulate her, and ask for her intercession to become even a small portion of the woman and mother she was to Jesus and is to The Church. For God’s grace to emulate her in holiness. And to know she is there for me, loving me, and waiting for me to spend some time.

-Lorelei

We Want to Know: What is your relationship with Mary like? How do you relate to her as a Mother?

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A Lesson From A Two Year Old On Holiness (And A Quick Update)

May 9, 2017November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ Leave a comment

Hello!

Lorelei’s latest article is up on Catholic Stand today!

A Lesson From A Two Year Old On Holiness

This Catholic Family just got back from a Mega Family wedding. It was so much fun, and we will be sharing more about our weekend with you in our next post!

-JP and Lorelei