I recently went to Confession.
The theme of this one was how I’m feeling exasperated, and impatient. How I’m struggling to maintaing peace because the baby is at a demanding phase where she only wants Mommy. And she doesn’t sleep for very long at a time during the day. And it’s just wearing me out, which causes me to not handle other things as well as I could.
Father listened, and nodded, and smiled as I shared.
My penance (which has nothing to do with my actual forgiveness… but is more medicine for my soul that helps me continue to move toward God) was simple. And it was that I take an amount of time to just be alone, by myself, to listen, and be in prayer.
Oh how I needed that.
My eyes welled up with tears, because here was a Priest, speaking on behalf of my Savior, hearing the things I was struggling with, and seeing right to the core of me. Knowing, I just needed some rest. That I needed quiet. And stillness.
To not have the putter putter of my baby’s little vocal engine interrupt my thoughts- even for a little while. That this exercise in self-care would better refresh me and enable me to continue the important work of raising her that God has asked me to do by being her mommy.
It’s an important lesson for me. I am doing no one any favors by running myself dry. And, yes, while I step away for a while, the baby may cry. But her daddy knows how to take care of her and she will be safe and loved until I return. But to have that time… time where my thoughts are clear and I can think a few complete thoughts in a row… of course this is what is good for me. But I was too deep in it to see it for myself. And, of course, Jesus was able to use the Priest in the Sacrament of Reconciliation to remind me of what would be good for me. Goodness that would spread into goodness for all my family. Of course. Of course. Because Jesus knows me so well.
Time and again, I am so thankful for Confession. Because, time and again, Jesus meets me there and loves me and forgives me and equips me to continue the good work he has set out for me to do. Because He who knit me together in my mother’s womb knows me better than anyone. And He meets us. In the confessional, in our prayer life, in little and unexpected moments. And, He meets us through the words of a Priest, that cut right through to the heart of an issue, and give one tired momma permission to grant herself some rest.