On Hating The Catholic Church

March 7, 2017November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ 2 Comments

“There are not one hundred people in the United States who hate The Catholic Church, but there are millions who hate what they wrongly perceive the Catholic Church to be.”

-Fulton J. Sheen

I don’t know that I can say I ever full-on hated the Catholic Church. But there were many years where I know I didn’t like it very much.

I know that there are many objections to the Catholic Church, and I can’t possibly name or understand them all. I can only know the experience in my own head. I know what my own objections were, and I know that many of my objections were amongst the pretty common ones. Like the deal with Mary and The Saints, Purgatory, Earning One’s Salvation Through Works (say whaa?), Accepting the Authority of the Church on the same level as The Bible, etc.

Those poor, weird, misguided, though often good-hearted, Catholics, I thought.

However, I had a few things to learn. During my own Conversion Journey to the Catholic Church, I found that most of the beliefs I had about what the the Catholic Church taught were actually incorrect. (Whew! … Especially about the earning my own salvation thing). And, others, I found out, I only had understood in the most shallow sense. It was like, at first, before I knew any better, I was looking at what was supposed to be art, but all I could see was grey. How could that possibly be art? It’s just grey. That doesn’t make sense. But, as I learned about where I was standing in relation to the rest of the painting, I found out I was staring at only a 2 inch section of an entire, larger-than-life mural on a wall. Once I backed up, I could see the bigger picture. Then that grey piece didn’t strike me as so odd.

Then imagine that someone informed me I was wearing glasses that only allowed me to see the world in shades of black and white. And I took them off. And the whole mural was actually painted in the most vivid colors imaginable. That’s kind of what coming into the Catholic Church did for my Christian faith, once I had the curiosity and the openness to understand the reality of the situation.

One of my own biggest problems prior to my Confirmation was that I had only ever studied or listened to Protestant sources on Catholicism, which, as it turns out, wasn’t the best way to get the most accurate info.

It would be like someone saying there was going to be a lecture on Christianity, and you find out that that the speaker is an Athiest. Would we be able to trust that an Athiest would provide us with the most accurate information about Christian beliefs? I don’t think so. They think Christianity is at best a fairy-tale, and at worst an evil to society. It would be better, if one wanted to understand Christianity accurately, to seek out a reputable source from inside the faith itself.

The same thing applies with where we get our information on Catholicism. If I got my sources on the Catholic Church from someone whose main aim is to prove the Church is wrong, I can’t guarantee I’m going to be getting accurate information. And, based on my experience, I can probably guarantee I won’t.

That’s what happened to me. And, when I started looking into things from the Catholic perspective, I was, time and time again, like “Oh- wow. I did not understand that correctly.” And then I was like “Oh- wow. This stuff makes a ton of sense.” And then, “Oh- wow. I want in.”

So, too, I would recommend this to anyone who has any sort of qualms or questions or thoughts about what the Catholic Church teaches. Try going to the source. Step back from that 2 inch section of mural, and allow yourself to accurately see the bigger picture. Take off those shades.

Feel free to…

Send This Catholic Family an email. Ask some questions. We love to chat! I think coming from a Protestant background, sometimes talking to a convert can help bridge the language/vocabulary gap. There are certain instances where Catholics and Protestants use the same word to mean different things. And, from personal experience, there are certain places it makes more sense to start when looking for an answer to a specific question coming from the outside.

Check out Catholicism For Dummies. A really great, accessible resource filled with accuracy.

Fr Mike Schmitz videos on Ascension Presents. He’s a cool, engaging priest with great answers to some of the classic questions. I recommend starting with this one.

For straightforward answers online… Catholic Answers.

Wrapping ‘er Up

I guess the point of this post is to suggest that anyone who has questions about the Catholic faith take a closer look, and go right to the source to do it. In my own story, a lot of misconceptions were laid aside. I think it would help all us Christians to grow closer together in dialogue and in Christian Unity, if, at the very least, we are able to understand each other accurately. And, who knows, there might just be some beauty and some truth lurking in a place you didn’t know it could be found.

-Lorelei

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Skinny Vs. Strong. Managing A Postpartum Body While My Young Daughter Watches

March 4, 2017November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ 1 Comment

I purchased a bathroom scale for the first time in my life just over a month ago. It actually was kind of a difficult decision. I’ve never been super focused on the number on the scale. I know what a healthy weight range is for me, and, realistically I know I’ll end up back there someday. But, also realistically, I know I am like many women who do not recognize the shape of the woman they see in the mirror after giving birth. I jokingly refer to it as my period of “deflation,” but it is difficult to know the way you feel inside and the way your body looks are not in union. It’s difficult when your pants can’t make it over your widened hips. It’s difficult when you still, 2 months after giving birth, can’t fit your wedding ring all the way on your finger.

I think a lot of us probably feel that way. I gained 18 lbs more weight during this pregnancy than with the previous two. And the reason for that is actually something to celebrate. I was incredibly nauseous for the first 20 weeks, but a new medication helped enough that I didn’t get sick as often. With the first two kids, I lost weight during the first trimester. With one of them, it was nearly 10% of my bodyweight. That didn’t happen this time. And, as a result, I naturally gained more. So, the extra weight is, in many ways, good news.

Holding All The Things

And I know that I am doing much better now this third time around at being gracious to my postpartum body than I have in the past. My body grew, sustained, and gave birth to human life, which is freaking amazing. But I think I can love and appreciate my body for its ability to do that, and also accept that it is still in a period of transition. That pregnancy and postpartum are both times where our bodies change dramatically. I can say- “Ok. It sucks that I have to rotate between 4 shirts right now that look appropriate,” and also stare at my daughter and say “Woah. This amazing little creature was formed inside of me.“

I can know this, and also sometimes I just really just want to wear my wedding ring, and have more than one pair of pants that fits. I can feel frustrated when that pair gets majorly spat up on, and I have to give them an emergency wash with not enough time, and then spend an evening out doing pub trivia with damp pant legs.

I can hold all of those things and accept that they all are valid. I can sit with dichotomy. I can grant that pregnancy and postpartum are both times that require patience and grace. Yes I can.

Getting A Move On

Exercise is one of the key components to my treatment plan for Postpartum Depression/Anxiety this time around. Being active helps my mood, and enables me to manage the stressors of each day more effectively. I also know it will help to tone and strengthen me. And lose the baby weight. So, once I was cleared to move, I started a manageable yet effective workout program, interestingly titled Bikini Body Mommy. I make it like an appointment each day that I cannot miss. And the program isn’t how it sounds. The lady who runs it is a mom of 4, who looks normal, and is working on strengthening her body as well. It’s very focused on acceptance, and being strong and healthy. Just being honest – its much easier to go through this program during my postpartum period than it would be to watch a perfectly toned 0% body fat Jillian Michaels or Other Hyper Toned Woman tell me to get a move on, or that I can handle 10 more reps or something. I’ll take the mom with the kids in the background of her videos, who deals with the same stuff I do when trying to get a workout in thank you very much.

Anyway… the Bikini Body Mommy 90 day challenge has set intervals where you take your weight and measurements.

I like seeing progress, and I like things I can quantify. I wanted to engage in the program with fidelity, and so, I bought the scale. I bought the tape measure. And began.

I am now nearly 30 days into the program, and I am seeing progress and change. I’m feeling stronger and more energetic. All of which are good things. But I am also keenly aware that my 5 year old daughter is watching everything happen. And I am aware that how she sees me handle this time will teach her a lot about what she should think about her own body.

The Little Eyes Upon Me

Even if my own brain is screaming in excitement when I see the scale dip down a bit, or I notice that or that hints of a waist are beginning to reappear (and those abs are in there somewhere, I just know it), I am consciously, painstakingly careful about the words that I let out of my mouth, and of the way I let my daughter hear me talking about my body. To some extent, I have always been this way around her. But now, especially now, I am more careful than ever.

She, my precious girl, is so confident. She is so secure. She knows she is lovely. I want to build upon that, and teach her to be gracious to herself when her body goes through change. Because women’s bodies go through a lot of change in a lifetime. We are meant to expand and retract. We are meant to grow life, and give life. Our metabolisms speed up and slow down. Our bodies change monthly as our fertility cycle repeats time and time again. Our bodies are not and never will be stagnant. And I want her to know that when she, too, goes through those inevitable changes in her body, that health and strength can be the rocks she can stand on.

So here’s what we’re doing right now.

Right now, my daughter sees me exercise 6 days a week, for about 20 minutes at a time. Sometimes she joins in with me, and we talk about how strong we feel, or how we can feel our muscles working. She knows exercise is a priority. She knows that for kids, running, and playing, and anytime she is moving is good exercise. And that she’s welcome to join in with mommy. And let me tell you, that girl can plank.

Right now, I let her see me sweat. It’s ok that it is hard work. It took mommy’s tummy a long time to stretch out to grow the baby, and it’s ok and normal that it takes work and time to help get those tummy muscles un-stretched out and strong again.

Right now, I’m careful how often she sees me step on that scale. She knows that it is one way I can track how mommy is getting healthy. But I don’t make it a focus.

Right now, (and always and forever because I need food to live,) she sees me eat. Regular food. And treats. This momma cannot a day without chocolate go. But she sees me eat healthy portions, and she hears me talk about filling up on good-for-you foods first with vitamins that will make us strong, and then leaving a little room left for a treat afterwards.

Right now, (and hopefully forever,) she does not and will not hear me complain about feeling flabby, or misshapen. Truthfully, I am a bit flabby due to the extra skin. I had 8 lbs 10 oz of humanity fit inside my abdominal region. The flabbiness is simply a reality of the situation. But, though I may be tempted to feel like I am, I am not misshapen. I grew a human. This is the shape my body has after giving birth to said human. It is differentshapen if anything. But the prefix “mis” means wrong, and there is nothing wrong with a body looking like this after doing what it did.

Right now, even if I may not particularly like what I see, she does not see me look disapprovingly in the mirror, or pinch or grab the stretched out parts of myself. She does, however, see me take my progress photos, and she knows I am taking them so I can keep track of how strong I am getting, and so I can see my muscles grow.

Right now, she knows it is more important to be healthy than to be skinny. She knows this because I ask her from time to time, and she always gets the answer right. And I hope and pray she continues to believe it. Because it is the absolute, and total truth. She also knows all women are shaped differently, and we all are different shaped at different times of our lives. And that all of that is normal, and good.

When Others Say Things

I was glad tonight when a woman approached me and said “Look at you, all skinny already,” that Felicity was out of earshot. However, she was in earshot when her daddy recently, and briefly, forgot the deal and said “Look at mommy, isn’t she getting so skinny?!” I said, “No, daddy, I am getting healthy, and strong.” And Felicity echoed the same, acting almost as if her daddy was silly to have spoken in that way.

That a girl.

JP didn’t mean to do anything wrong- he was trying to pay me a compliment and acknowledge all the hard work I’ve been doing. But, he’s also man whose body has pretty much stayed the same since high school. Having never been a woman, he doesn’t fully get what we are doing here. But he also realized the mistake and corrected his own language as well. Nice recovery. Positive message reinforced.

Teaching Me

In some ways, I am also helping to teach myself how to think more healthily and graciously during this time. I have to frame my own thoughts better in order to make sure that the words I say match the message I want Felicity to hear. And, the little ways I’ve seen her repeat back to me the things I have spoken let me know that, at least as far as this goes, we are doing okay. She’s talked about how long it takes to grow a baby and stretch out, and that getting un-stretched out takes a long time too. She cheers me on when I am working out, yelling “You’re getting stronger mommy!” Yes, sweet girl. Yes I am. Thanks for the compliment.

These things are music to my ears. These things keep me going, and encourage me to continue on this path.

The path to health. To continued happiness. To being content right where I’m at. Even if I have a few more evenings with damp pant legs in my near future. We’ll get there. After all, these things take time.

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Catholic 101: Talking With Our Hands. The Sign Of The Cross In And Around The Catholic Mass

March 3, 2017November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ 1 Comment

Many aspects of Cathoicism, especially the Sacraments, are meant as a way for us to experience God both spiritually and physically. The idea is that God knows we are a body/soul composite, and therefore has given us the Sacraments for the benefits of both of these parts of our being. In the Sacrament of Reconciliation, for example, we are able to audibly hear that God forgives us. It is a spiritual truth, that we are able to experience using one of our physical senses.

So, to, the Sign of the Cross is another physical/spiritual combination. There are many levels of depth to this gesture, and this article will only cover the surface. Here is how and why we use the Sign of the Cross in and around a Catholic Mass.

What’s The Deal?

Well, simply put, the Sign of the Cross is a way that we acknowledge the Trinity. It’s a way for us to acknowledge our faith, and its a way that we both remember what Jesus did and who God is. It’s a physical sign of our faith in Christ. In fact, since all Christians believe in the Trinity, there is no reason why the Sign of the Cross would need to be limited to only Catholics. And it isn’t. Many Orthodox Christians, as well as Anglicans and Lutherans, also use this symbol.

Before and After Mass, At The Font

If you’ve ever been inside a Catholic church, you may notice little baptismal fonts at the front of the aisles as you enter the sanctuary. Or, some Catholic churches have the big baptismal fonts where they actually baptize people back at the entrance instead of on the altar.

As we enter the sanctuary, we dip 2 fingers in the font and make the sign of the cross over ourselves. We use 2 fingers to help remind us that Jesus was both God and Man. We make the Sign of the Cross with the waters of our baptism to renew our baptismal covenant. In essence, it reminds us of our baptism, and the grace that God has given us through it, and helps to build us up to continue to live our faith out in our lives.

Setting Aside A Holy Time

We begin and end Mass by making the Sign of the Cross together, as a congregation. This is a way that we set aside our time with an intention to focus on God. In Catholic homes, we also begin and end any time of prayer with this sign for the same reason. We bookend time set specifically aside for God with the Sign of the Cross.

During The Gospel, A Variation

There are several scripture readings during Mass. We stand before the Gospel Reading, for reasons explained here. And, just prior to the Gospel being read, we make the sign of the cross with our thumb over our foreheads, over our lips, and over our heart.

The reason for this is that we want to remember, always, to keep the Gospel in our thoughts, and on our lips when we speak, and in our hearts, always.

The Heart of the Matter

As with anything, if we simply go through the motions and do not engage our hearts in what we are doing, then the benefit of our actions is greatly reduced. You could make the Sign of the Cross until you were exhausted, but if you were just going through the motions, the purpose and intention of this gesture won’t be fully realized.

That’s why it is so important that Catholics engage their hearts when utilizing all these beautiful tools of our faith. And, when we do, it makes Mass, and our faith lives outside of Mass, that much more meaningful.

-Lorelei

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Lent Is Upon Us! An Idea For The Family, and Reflections On The Season

March 1, 2017November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ 2 Comments

I’ve been writing about a couple of more serious topics recently, so I thought it might be time to switch it up and get a little more lighthearted. Like by writing a post about Lent. Because Lent is known for being both lighthearted and fun! Ha ha! But, in all seriousness…

People. I am honestly, truly, so pumped about Lent!

I think part of the reason I’m so excited is because last year, at this time, I was approaching Confirmation. I was preparing in my heart for fully uniting with the Holy Catholic Church. And it was just a beautiful time of anticipation and reflection.

Another reason is that I have really grown to appreciate the liturgical seasons. They are such a rhythmic way to go through life, with periods of anticipation, and celebration, of sacrifice, and waiting, and also, normalcy. I think the cycle is so beautiful. And I know many of my Protestant brothers and sisters, in their faith traditions, are already or are starting to re-embrace some of these liturgical aspects, like Advent and Lent, as well. It is good for us to have a rhythm to our life. Like the seasons of the earth, only these are the seasons of our faith.

We move ever forward, and yet revisit that which is good for our souls time and time again as the years go by.

In this particular season of having three little ones at home, my desire is to start incorporating more formal traditions into our family life for the major liturgical seasons and Holy Days throughout the year. But also, not to bite off more than I can realistically chew. I may or may not have a tendency to think I am Superwoman. I submit Felicity’s third and fourth birthday parties as examples of this. One was a Frozen theme, the other Rainbows.

It is quite possible that my children will never experience this level of Pinteresty-ness again. I sure did have fun doing it, and hopefully the husband and grandparents that got roped into helping did too, but this momma has time to painstakingly cut out dozens of paper snowflakes by hand no longer. And if some day, some how, some way I do have the time and energy and will again… cool. But I’m really working on not putting that kind of pressure on myself if I just can’t. Right now I can keep 3 little humans alive and manage to maintain my sanity for the most part. This is enough.

So… I want to start traditions, but keep it manageable. I had a few ideas, but this year, I am settling on this one. Just adding one thing to our Lenten season as a family. And that one thing is… drumroll please…

Sacrifice Beans!

Oddly named, but pretty cool. I originally found this idea on one of my favorite Catholic Mommy blogs, Catholic All Year.

This Lent, whenever we do something that is a sacrifice for the benefit of another, we get to put a bean in the vase. This will primarily be for the kids, but they are welcome to call out JP or I making a sacrifice for another and we can put a bean in as well. We will continue to add beans to the vase all the way up until Easter. At which point, on Easter morning, they will arise to find that all their sacrifices have turned into Jelly Beans. We can continue this into the Easter season, and this time, when they sacrifice, they get to eat a Jelly Bean.

If things go well, Easter this year may be a bit more sugared up than usual. 🙂

My hope is that this will be a fun way to help all of us to focus on serving each other, and to remember to put others first during this season. Also, hopefully, this will help pave the way for our children, and for JP and I to continue to live just a little bit more selflessly as time goes on.

That’s about all I can take on this year. We can add other traditions as the years go by. But I’m glad to be doing something, and am glad to start our first significant family tradition during Lent.

What about you? Does your family have any special Lenten traditions? Are you going to try something new this year?

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The Invisible Struggle: My Journey Through Postpartum Depression and Anxiety, Then and Now

February 25, 2017November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ 3 Comments

One of the biggest things I’ve learned through my own journeys through postpartum depression and anxiety is how good we humans can be at looking like we are okay. That’s partly why if I know you, and you have had a baby recently, there’s a good chance I will do my best to check in and ask you how you are doing. And, based on my own history, I might ask you more than once to make sure things haven’t changed, or to give you another chance to tell someone if something is wrong and you’ve still been keeping it to yourself. And if I’ve missed any of my friends because you seemed to be doing fine, I’m sorry. I know better.

And that’s also why I feel it’s important for me to be honest about my own experiences. I hope that women will be able to talk about postpartum issues easily and without shame and get the help that they need before things get too serious.

You see, this isn’t my first time at the postpartum depression/anxiety rodeo. But, there are some very significant differences in how things are going for me this time, versus how they went for me before.

The first time I had significant postpartum issues that required intervention was after the birth of our son, August. The second, right now, after the birth of our little Mary.

Then,

I stayed silent. Even after I knew something was terribly wrong, I kept it inside for weeks.

Now,

I started seeing a psychologist 2 months prior to Mary’s birth. She taught me strategies for dealing with depressive feelings and anxiety that I could later put to use if needed. I knew I had a significantly higher risk of dealing with depression/anxiety this time because I had experienced it before. I didn’t want to be silent if it happened again.

Then,

Postpartum anxiety and depression hit me like a freight train. I was having panic attacks, which I had never experienced before. I was driving erratically.I felt like I was stuck behind a wall and couldn’t access my own life. I was spending time thinking about the least traumatic ways to make myself disappear. All very abnormal for me, and all very scary. And I didn’t see it coming.

Now,

We knew exactly what to look for, and didn’t take it lightly. JP and I monitored my mental state regularly after the baby’s birth. I kept my counselor updated. I was honest. When, early on, I had some depression, and now, when I’m still dealing with anxiety, the conversation had already been started.

Then,

My treatment plan included me needing to take Zoloft for approximately 6 months. I also did every. single. thing. that I was told would help me recover. I saw a counselor, I exercised, I made myself shower, I started eating right, I let family help. Looking back, I don’t think if it were up to me doing it for myself, that I would have had the strength to do what I needed to do to heal. But as I read about depression, I learned about the effects of a depressed parent on her children. And so I took the medication for their sake. I did what I was supposed to do to recover for their sake. And, after a few weeks, little bits of my normal self began to peek through.

Now,

My treatment plan started before Mary’s birth with developing a relationship with my psychologist. I still see her regularly. I also began implementing all the things I learned the first time around, and the new tools I’d acquired as early as I could. I’m using a light therapy box and taking extra vitamins. Once I was cleared to exercise, I started to exercise. I journaled so I could track my mood and anxiety levels right from the get-go. We hired a postpartum doula to help with cooking, cleaning, laundry, and baby care. My mom comes to help for 3 days every other week. And when I started having symptoms, I put into place the strategies I learned from counseling. I wasn’t hit by a freight train this time around. I knew what to do, and was already getting the support I would need. So, overall, things have been less scary and less severe.

Then,

I considered myself fully recovered by the time my son was 7 months old. I put a lot of hard work into that recovery. And, thankfully, postpartum depression and anxiety is not a chronic issue. It might be reoccuring, depending on whether or not we have any more children, but it is not something you live with forever. And I held on to that hope that first, long, dark time through. Thankfully, it was true. I was totally back to my normal, functioning self. Morning had broken.

Now,

I don’t know how long I have until I will be fully recovered. I’m hopeful that based on the timing of my recovery the first time, that my body chemistry will level itself out by mid-summer, maybe sooner, especially with all I’m doing to help the healing process. I’m managing right now without medication, but I’m needing to keep things really simple. I know from experience that if I try and do too much on a given day, my anxiety will be worse. I know if I don’t get enough sleep, or can’t make up sleep with a nap my anxiety will be worse. I know if I don’t exercise, it will be worse. And, because of how I’ve been able to manage my symptoms much more effectively this time around with this treatment plan, and because we know that pace of life is a huge contributing factor in how well I do on a given day, we’ve had to make a difficult decision to extend my leave from work while I make sure I continue to recover well. This time I’m able to know that I want to recover fully and as soon as possible not only for my children, but also, for myself.

Beyond The Surface

Having postpartum depression and anxiety has helped me to desire to look more deeply in situations where people that might otherwise appear to be fine. We often put our best face forward for the world to see, and that best face can hide some deep pain or struggle underneath. I want to give a couple of personal examples of that, in the hopes that it can continue to remind me and others to extend compassion, and to encourage vulnerability.

Anyone who spotted me driving in the car last week with the kids would have seen what appeared to be a woman, simply driving. But they wouldn’t have known that I overscheduled myself on that day, and we were running late to get Felicity to theater class. In reality, we were going to be 2-3 minutes late. Which for normal Lorelei wouldn’t be a huge deal. But the hustle of trying to get there on time when I had attempted too much triggered my anxiety. I was working very hard to stay calm with the kids, but I assigned more blame on their lack of speed getting ready than I should have. My mind was racing as I tried to utilize the strategies I had learned to keep from panic taking over. And someone looking very closely would have noticed that as I drove, my hands were shaking.

Also this week, friends of mine on Facebook would have seen this picture of JP and I waiting for a concert to start:

16681836_10100652365133687_428422449057818422_n — Don’t we look so happy and excited?!

Cute pic. But what this picture doesn’t show is that not even ten minutes later, one of the opening acts came on, and the way the music was mixed was very heavy on the bass. It was so much bass that my insides were shaking. And my thoughts started racing… I thought the building was going to come down, or that something inside my body would stop working from all the shaking. There were people on all sides of me and I felt trapped. I tried to breathe, and tried to ground myself, and stick it out, but I just couldn’t.

None of those thoughts were rational. But that’s how anxiety works. So I used another strategy. I removed myself from the area, and sat out that act’s entire set in the concourse where the sound was much more muted. I told JP I was worried if the main act had that level of bass that I would struggle to be in there during their concert. Thankfully, their sound mix was very different and we were ok. But… the point is, that picture of me didn’t tell the whole story of the night. I didn’t put nearly running out of the area in a panic as my Facebook status for the evening.

I hope to be able to continue to be honest about what I’ve been through with others. Perhaps it will help someone feel less alone. Perhaps it will help someone make a decision to reach out. Because postpartum stuff is nothing to mess around with. Suicide is way up there with other leading causes of maternal death. But, taken seriously, it is so, so very treatable. And you totally get yourself back after you’ve done the hard work to recover, whether that be taking medication for a while, or excercising, or therapy, or any combination of the many, many tools available that help you get yourself back from the darkness.

Other Resources

Below are 3 resources I have taken advantage of at different points in my own postpartum journey, and that I found to be very helpful.

This Isn’t What I Expected. This is an amazing book that helped to normalize my experiences, and start me on the path of having tools to recover. It also has a whole chapter devoted to helping husbands know how to help their wives.

Postpartum Progress. This website contains stories from women about their postpartum experiences. It also has articles and links to resources for help.

Postpartum Support International. A hotline that connects women to resources for help.

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A Valentines Note From The Savaryns

February 14, 2017November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ Leave a comment

Hello Readers,

Happy Valentines Day!

Now that we are approaching 10 years of marriage, we are clearly marriage experts. Haha.

Actually, we know very acutely that we are not. However, we do know a thing or two more than we did when we started dating nearly a dozen years ago.

And tonight, we reflected on the most romantic thing we have done recently for each other.

JP said the most romantic thing I have done recently for him was when I recently gave him a back massage. He knows physical affection is not one of my natural love languages, and therefore when I offer a back massage, he knows I am doing it for no other reason than I remembered it is relaxing for him, and because I love him.

The most romantic thing JP has done for me recently has been to explicitly encourage me to pursue a dream of mine. Something that requires me to set time aside. He asks me every few days if I have been able to make any progress, and he encourages me to structure my time to make it a priority. Knowing that he loves me enough to urge me forward with this goal means the world.

I think one of the things we’ve discovered in our time together is that real, abiding love is often found in the small gestures like the ones above, not exclusively in the grand ones. A big mega date can be awesome and fun and all kinds of other good things. But, unlike what some dating reality shows might lead us to believe, real love, and real relationships aren’t built in the big moments. They are built in the small.

And, unexpectedly, many times the small actions can be harder to pull off than the grand ones. Because you have to remember, in the day in day out ordinary moments of life to choose to love your spouse in a way that speaks to them. You have to choose to remember to do something to build up your spouse, especially when you get nothing out of it for yourself, simply because you love them. In the busyness of life, the remembering can be hard. But when we are intentional with each other, when I remember to give JP a big hug when he gets home so he can feel loved, and when JP remembers to keep the kitchen counter clean on the weekends so I can relax, when we love each other in the small ways, we both move through our days, whatever challenges may come, already built up by the love we have for each other. And that love can help sustain us.

Starting this Valentines Day, we plan to add one small thing to our daily routine. Something that we can do with and for each other, in the presence of our children, so that we may also set an intentional example for them of our marital love for each other in a small yet significant way. Our goal is to add this short, simple prayer to our family prayers at the end of the evenings. To hold hands with each other in the presence of our children and pray:

Lord, help us to remember when we first met and the strong love that grew between us.

To work that love into practical things so that nothing can divide us.

We ask for words both kind and loving and hearts always ready to ask for forgiveness as well as to forgive.

Dear Lord, we put our marriage into Your hands.

Amen.

If you are married, with or without kids, we challenge you to take the time to pray this prayer with your spouse on a daily basis along with us this year. Simply by taking a moment to ask God to be present in our love for each other, this one small prayer might just end up being that which helps us greatly along the path of learning to donate our selves for the benefit of our husband/wife, and thus to love them better.

-JP and Lorelei

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The Problem With Pretty Woman

February 10, 2017November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ Leave a comment

This is the story of a young girl, now grown woman, who looks back on a movie she absolutely loved and watched multiple times throughout her formative teenage and young adult years. It’s about a dramatically changed opinion. It’s about a call to awareness, a call to seek out Truth. And it all starts by giving another look at the seemingly classic romantic comedy called:

Pretty Woman

Looking back, I find it interesting that neither I, nor anyone I know that I watched this movie with when I was younger ever questioned what was going on.

At a fundamental level, Pretty Woman romanticizes prostitution, and creates the fantasy that true, meaningful, lasting love (well, we don’t really know if they last… the final scene in the movie is a grande romantic gesture, not a glimpse into their life together years down the road), can come from a beginning in exploitation and lust.

To start, I know Julia Robert’s character in the movie doesn’t have a pimp, which removes a hair of the horrors she would have faced, but she is remarkably unscathed for someone who has been selling her body for a while. She bears none of the apparent effects of trauma from rape, or abuse that women who actually are sold or sell themselves face on a regular basis. But none of that is romantic. Or comedic. So… obviously they had to make her seem normal- healthy even. Like a cool girlfriend you’d like to have, except she just sells her body on the streets each night without any side effects. No biggie.

Reality check. For the past 2 years I have been part of a ministry where I have the honor each month to spend time with and love on young women that are exploited, and let me tell you, none of it is romantic, or healthy. And I mean healthy in the sense of “this is an ok thing that should regularly be happening and is good for the people involved.” There are a lot of myths associated with how people perceive how women “choose” to enter the sex industry, which could be another article in itself. But, suffice it to say, it is very rarely a “choice,” in the sense of a woman, who has had a normal and healthy upbringing, with no abuse or trauma, and just wants to make some extra good money, decides to enter the sex industry of her own free will and with no coersion then, or thereafter. And that woman, with plenty of other options, is free to choose to leave whenever she is ready to be done. Sure. Maybe. Sometimes. I may have met one or two such women during my time in this ministry. But the dozens of other women I’ve met tell the story that the above scenario is most certainly the exception, and not even close to the rule.

But it’s just a fun movie, some might say. You’re taking it wayyy to seriously… Well… that’s a nice thought, but I don’t think I am taking it too seriously. Because I know what the message this movie sent to pre-teen/teen me was. It’s the same message the cover of Cosmo sent to me, and Redbook, and commercials, and a host of other things. And when a young girl is exposed to enough of that message, at least part of it gets internalized. At least part of that message let me know that, when all else fails, a woman can and should use her body as leverage. It let me know that some significant part of my purpose and worth had to do with my sexual appeal to men.

I could go further into detail about my own personal story, but thank God, I have since learned the twisted nature of those lies I was fed. I’m at a point now where my own personal convictions about where Truth resides are solid. I don’t even care what the magazines and the media and whatever else tell me my worth is. I no longer buy the magazines that perpetuate those messages. I no longer go to those websites. I question every source other than my Creator that tries to tell me who or what I am and what I am good for.

But what I do care about, is the many impressionable young and grown minds that don’t view these messages through any sort of filter. I do care about a Men’s Health magazine, with a provocatively dressed and posed woman on the cover, placed on a low shelf, cover out, at eye-level perfect for my daughter and son to see as we check out at Barnes and Noble. I know that the line I’ve been using when I catch Felicity looking at such a cover that “Oops, looks like that lady forgot to finish putting her clothes on! How silly!” isn’t going to work for much longer, and we are going to have to begin having a much broader, much more serious discussion. And, finally, I do care about the women I see each month who so need to know their value, and are constantly fed lies about their worth by the world around them and the men and women who exploit them.

Full disclosure. I more than just “don’t like” Pretty Woman anymore. I’m mad about it it. Maybe not so much the movie itself, but the culture that made it a hit, and the full on lies we women are buying into all too often.

Anything that glamourizes and romanticizes lust and exploitation is something that is a significant concern. And the reason isn’t just because messages like the one Pretty Woman send out into the world messed up my young self a bit. It’s because those messages undercut the absolute, no-hold-barred Truth about the value of women.

Saint John Paul II wrote extensively on the value and dignity of women, and it is the Church that fully reflects how God intended the dignity of women to be seen, and appreciated, and valued. One of my favorite quotes by him is as follows:

“There is no dignity when the human dimension is eliminated from the person. In short, the problem with pornography is not that it shows too much of the person, but that it shows far too little.”

Pornography and all forms of exploitation show a ton of skin, but nothing of the humanity of the person beneath it. And that is the root of the problem. When a human… becomes an object. And not only an object, and object meant for the consumption of another. The woman on that Men’s Health cover is not just an attractive body, but a soul-filled person with an inherit dignity. Removing the person to lust after the body strips her of her dignity. And we, simply, have no right to strip anyone of that.

One of the greatest gifts and encouragements to me on my own journey to understanding my value has been the Church, who, in the midst of the culture described above, reveals a completely different narrative about women, and their worth. It is my hope and prayer that my daughters, the women I have the pleasure to know in all facets of my life, and many others will start to or continue to question the narrative of the world at large about our worth, and instead seek the Truth of our value given to us by God. Like with food, we internalize what we consume. We internalize what we see with our eyes and hear with our ears. Let us turn off the noise and turn up the Truth. Let us question all that we are fed by this culture about our bodies and our sexuality. Let us be brave enough to speak louder than the world to our daughters, so they believe it. Let us stop spending money on movies, magazines, and other media that break down and manipulate the truth that we are a body/soul composite with inherent dignity.

Let us refuse to be seen as anything less than we truly are.

-Lorelei

P.S. For more information, check out Saint John Paul II’s On the Dignity and Vocation of Women. Tis a good place to start. 🙂

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In Which Mary Charlotte Receives the Sacrament of Baptism

February 6, 2017November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ 2 Comments

There’s a story in the Gospel of Luke about a man who was paralyzed. Jesus was speaking in a house nearby, and the man’s friends carried him there. It was so crowded that they could not get in the door. However, they did not give up. They carried their friend up on the roof of the house, opened a hole in the roof, and lowered the man down so he could meet Jesus and be healed.

The paralyzed man could not get there on his own. He needed others to bring him to Jesus. Today, we acted likewise and brought our infant daughter, who can’t yet speak for herself, to Jesus through the Sacrament of Baptism. That story provides such a beautiful parallel to what we do when we baptize our infants.

So much love.

And now our work has just begun, as we live to raise her with a strong Catholic faith. Soon enough, she will begin making her own decisions about growing in her faith as we support and guide her, and model for her what it is to live this life as a Christian. But this Sacrament is an amazing way to start her off on that journey, and we are so thankful, once again, for the gifts of the Church, and the Sacraments that help to guide us.

-Lorelei

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Catholic 101: Make up your minds already! The sitting, standing, and kneeling of Mass

February 4, 2017November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ 8 Comments

Kneel. Up. Down. Up. Down. Kneel. Up. Down. Up. Whew! Non-Catholics attending a Catholic Mass think a lot of things about the different postures Catholics take. Things like “Oh, up we go again.” And “Why are we kneeling?” And “Is it wrong if I kneel with my butt still on the seat, especially if I’m not sure why I’m kneeling in the first place?” I know non-Catholics think these things, because when I was a non-Catholic, those were my thoughts. I had no idea what was going on, or why. I just tried to keep up.

Now, as a Catholic, one of the things I’ve grown to appreciate about Mass is how each and every. single. thing. has significance. Every single movement, posture, word spoken, and thing done means something. The more you understand about what is going on in a Mass, the more you are able to appreciate its beauty. Which is why this post focuses on the “why” of the sitting, standing, and kneeling of a Catholic Mass.

The Sitting

Sitting is a posture of listening. Catholics sit for the first reading (often from the Old Testament), the Psalm (often actually sung), and the second reading (New Testament, not from the Gospel). We also sit for the offering, and the homily (sermon). We sit, ready to hear and receive. We sit to listen.

The Standing

For Prayer: Standing has been a posture of prayer for Jewish people since before the time of Jesus. Standing during prayer is also seen throughout different parts of the Bible. So, as Catholics, we continue to utilize this posture for prayer today. Some examples of when we stand during Mass for prayer: When we pray the opening prayer (led by the Priest) say The Lord’s Prayer (as a congregation), and the Prayers of the Faithful (the prayer requests for the congregation).

For the Creed: We stand as we say in unison what Christians have believed from the earliest times, in the form of the Nicene or Apostles Creed. We stand to affirm our unity and our beliefs together as Christians.

For the Gospel: Standing is also a sign of respect. We have many readings from the Bible during Mass, but we stand for the Gospel out of particular respect, since these are the words and deeds of Jesus himself.

For the Procession: We stand at the beginning and end of Mass, also as a sign of respect as the celebrant (Priest or Bishop who is celebrating the Mass) processes in to begin the Mass, and processes out once the Mass has ended.

The Kneeling

When we enter Mass, we genuflect, where we bend and touch one of our knees to the floor. We are humbly acknowledging Jesus in the tabernacle, in the Eucharist. Catholics believe that Jesus is fully present, body, blood, soul and divinity in the Eucharist, which is Holy Communion. We believe when Jesus said “This is my body,” that he meant it literally. Jesus is veiled behind the appearance of bread and wine, but His presence is fully and truly there. This is something that the very earliest Christians believed, and continue to believe right through to the present day in Catholicism. So we acknowledge that by genuflection.

Here’s a great video by Fr. Mike Shmitz, further explaining the reason for genuflection as we enter for Mass.

Kneeling is a posture of respect and adoration. Another time when we kneel is during the preparation for and before/after reception of the Eucharist (The Body and Blood of Christ in Holy Communion). We kneel, again, because we believe Jesus is fully and truly present in Communion. If you believed you were literally in the presence of Christ himself, falling to your knees would be a natural thing to do- probably even falling flat on your face. So, we always kneel during this part of Mass, and we remain kneeling until the elements are put back away in the tabernacle, and the tabernacle is closed.

Conclusion

Well, at least you now know that we Catholics aren’t just confused about what we do with our bodies during Mass. 🙂 And this was just a very basic description of what we do with our bodies as a whole. There are a host of other movements that the congregation and the celebrant do each Mass that carry additional meaning.

How we move our body affects and reflects the state of our mind. Slouching, for example, can be a reflection of someone’s sadness, or lack of confidence, or shyness, or it can move someone in that direction. While standing tall with one’s shoulders back can be a reflection of pride, or confidence, or bravery. And, even if you aren’t feeling brave, for example, but you take a posture of bravery, it can help get you there. The postures of Mass can, likewise, reflect your state of mind, or it can help put you in the right one.

Also, both inside and outside of Mass, bodily changes of posture just for the sake of moving aren’t super helpful to anyone. If you are sitting, standing and kneeling during Mass at all the right times, but your heart isn’t in it, or you are distracted, or not focusing on the reason why you are in a particular posture, then you lose the benefit of what the postures are meant to accomplish. But if you come into Mass and you genuflect towards the tabernacle, because you are humbly acknowledging Christ’s presence there, and if you sit, intent on listening with your mind, body, and soul, and if you stand, heart focused on prayer, and if you kneel acknowledging the presence of your Savior, then, then, you’ve got something.

As in all of the structures within Mass, and within Catholicism as a whole, there are so many tools to help move your heart, mind, and soul closer in relationship with Jesus. But you can’t just go through the motions. And if you truly engage, and accept and embrace the meaning behind what you are doing, the graces and joys and richness available to you in Mass and in the Catholic Church are immensely beautiful, and only bring you nearer to your Savior.

-Lorelei

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Missing Grandma

January 30, 2017November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ 1 Comment

One of my most vivid memories from childhood is Christmas Eve at Grandma Wondrash’s house. Not one Christmas Eve in particular, but a conglomerate of all the Christmas Eve’s I spent there put together. Because, even though I grew and the adults aged and the years changed, so much about each year was always exactly the same. The cookies Grandma baked and kept in the freezer for each family to take home. The apron she wore. The way she decorated the tree. The meal she cooked for us all. The size of the bounty under the tree.

Once, during the year before she died, I was at a busy coffee shop when she called me. I stepped outside and we talked about her cancer. I asked her if she had a faith that she could hold onto. She said “Oh yes. I’m in God’s hands now.”

During our last Christmas Eve together, I was engaged to be married. I unwrapped my gifts, and came to one from her. I removed the wrapping paper and saw a Victoria’s Secret box. The people in the room took notice. My grandmother had purchased lingerie for me, and she got a kick out of it. And so did my dad… and my aunt and uncle… and my brother… and all the other people there it would be awkward to open lingerie in front of. One of my favorite memories of her to this day.

I shopped with her for the dress she would wear to our wedding. It was spring green, she looked… somehow younger. She felt pretty. We were in the fitting room when she casually mentioned that she would also like to be buried in that dress. Such strangeness, picking out a dress for her to wear to our wedding and her funeral at the same time and within the same dress.

The last time Grandma and I spoke, it was during cocktail hour at our wedding reception. We took a family photo, and she looked at me and said “You look so beautiful.” She wasn’t one to show much emotion, but her eyes were wet and her voice conveyed both strength and brokenness. She knew. I wish I had known that was my last moment with her. I would have lingered and stretched that moment as long as I could. I’m convinced she held on partly so she could see me on my wedding day.

I wish I could have been there with her as she passed. I had the honor of being there with my maternal Grandma and Grandpa when they died. I would have left anything to be by her side if I had known. I hope she didn’t feel alone.

Grandma has been gone for nearly 10 years now. I remember this easily, because she passed away while Jp and I were on our honeymoon, in late May 2007. We were in Door County, and I didn’t get cell phone service throughout the week. We found out on a dull stretch of highway as we approached Green Bay. I told my dad about the dress.

We had our family Christmas Eve party today, delayed due to a December blizzard. Each year now, I have a moment of acutely missing her during this party. Today, I was nursing the baby in my Grandpa’s room. He has pictures of our family on a small desk that I send him in the mail. But the house is a different house. And the meal has changed. And the tree is gone. No one makes the cookies anymore. And I so badly want her to meet her great grandchildren, and to know that I named Mary after her. And the missing just hurts.

And so I talk to her for a moment, and sometimes I cry for a moment, trusting that she can hear me from God’s loving arms. And I tell her I miss her. And I know that she no longer has cancer, and that she can breathe freely, and that she is at peace.

But the missing is hard.