The Problem With Pretty Woman

February 10, 2017November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ Leave a comment

This is the story of a young girl, now grown woman, who looks back on a movie she absolutely loved and watched multiple times throughout her formative teenage and young adult years. It’s about a dramatically changed opinion. It’s about a call to awareness, a call to seek out Truth. And it all starts by giving another look at the seemingly classic romantic comedy called:

Pretty Woman

Looking back, I find it interesting that neither I, nor anyone I know that I watched this movie with when I was younger ever questioned what was going on.

At a fundamental level, Pretty Woman romanticizes prostitution, and creates the fantasy that true, meaningful, lasting love (well, we don’t really know if they last… the final scene in the movie is a grande romantic gesture, not a glimpse into their life together years down the road), can come from a beginning in exploitation and lust.

To start, I know Julia Robert’s character in the movie doesn’t have a pimp, which removes a hair of the horrors she would have faced, but she is remarkably unscathed for someone who has been selling her body for a while. She bears none of the apparent effects of trauma from rape, or abuse that women who actually are sold or sell themselves face on a regular basis. But none of that is romantic. Or comedic. So… obviously they had to make her seem normal- healthy even. Like a cool girlfriend you’d like to have, except she just sells her body on the streets each night without any side effects. No biggie.

Reality check. For the past 2 years I have been part of a ministry where I have the honor each month to spend time with and love on young women that are exploited, and let me tell you, none of it is romantic, or healthy. And I mean healthy in the sense of “this is an ok thing that should regularly be happening and is good for the people involved.” There are a lot of myths associated with how people perceive how women “choose” to enter the sex industry, which could be another article in itself. But, suffice it to say, it is very rarely a “choice,” in the sense of a woman, who has had a normal and healthy upbringing, with no abuse or trauma, and just wants to make some extra good money, decides to enter the sex industry of her own free will and with no coersion then, or thereafter. And that woman, with plenty of other options, is free to choose to leave whenever she is ready to be done. Sure. Maybe. Sometimes. I may have met one or two such women during my time in this ministry. But the dozens of other women I’ve met tell the story that the above scenario is most certainly the exception, and not even close to the rule.

But it’s just a fun movie, some might say. You’re taking it wayyy to seriously… Well… that’s a nice thought, but I don’t think I am taking it too seriously. Because I know what the message this movie sent to pre-teen/teen me was. It’s the same message the cover of Cosmo sent to me, and Redbook, and commercials, and a host of other things. And when a young girl is exposed to enough of that message, at least part of it gets internalized. At least part of that message let me know that, when all else fails, a woman can and should use her body as leverage. It let me know that some significant part of my purpose and worth had to do with my sexual appeal to men.

I could go further into detail about my own personal story, but thank God, I have since learned the twisted nature of those lies I was fed. I’m at a point now where my own personal convictions about where Truth resides are solid. I don’t even care what the magazines and the media and whatever else tell me my worth is. I no longer buy the magazines that perpetuate those messages. I no longer go to those websites. I question every source other than my Creator that tries to tell me who or what I am and what I am good for.

But what I do care about, is the many impressionable young and grown minds that don’t view these messages through any sort of filter. I do care about a Men’s Health magazine, with a provocatively dressed and posed woman on the cover, placed on a low shelf, cover out, at eye-level perfect for my daughter and son to see as we check out at Barnes and Noble. I know that the line I’ve been using when I catch Felicity looking at such a cover that “Oops, looks like that lady forgot to finish putting her clothes on! How silly!” isn’t going to work for much longer, and we are going to have to begin having a much broader, much more serious discussion. And, finally, I do care about the women I see each month who so need to know their value, and are constantly fed lies about their worth by the world around them and the men and women who exploit them.

Full disclosure. I more than just “don’t like” Pretty Woman anymore. I’m mad about it it. Maybe not so much the movie itself, but the culture that made it a hit, and the full on lies we women are buying into all too often.

Anything that glamourizes and romanticizes lust and exploitation is something that is a significant concern. And the reason isn’t just because messages like the one Pretty Woman send out into the world messed up my young self a bit. It’s because those messages undercut the absolute, no-hold-barred Truth about the value of women.

Saint John Paul II wrote extensively on the value and dignity of women, and it is the Church that fully reflects how God intended the dignity of women to be seen, and appreciated, and valued. One of my favorite quotes by him is as follows:

“There is no dignity when the human dimension is eliminated from the person. In short, the problem with pornography is not that it shows too much of the person, but that it shows far too little.”

Pornography and all forms of exploitation show a ton of skin, but nothing of the humanity of the person beneath it. And that is the root of the problem. When a human… becomes an object. And not only an object, and object meant for the consumption of another. The woman on that Men’s Health cover is not just an attractive body, but a soul-filled person with an inherit dignity. Removing the person to lust after the body strips her of her dignity. And we, simply, have no right to strip anyone of that.

One of the greatest gifts and encouragements to me on my own journey to understanding my value has been the Church, who, in the midst of the culture described above, reveals a completely different narrative about women, and their worth. It is my hope and prayer that my daughters, the women I have the pleasure to know in all facets of my life, and many others will start to or continue to question the narrative of the world at large about our worth, and instead seek the Truth of our value given to us by God. Like with food, we internalize what we consume. We internalize what we see with our eyes and hear with our ears. Let us turn off the noise and turn up the Truth. Let us question all that we are fed by this culture about our bodies and our sexuality. Let us be brave enough to speak louder than the world to our daughters, so they believe it. Let us stop spending money on movies, magazines, and other media that break down and manipulate the truth that we are a body/soul composite with inherent dignity.

Let us refuse to be seen as anything less than we truly are.

-Lorelei

P.S. For more information, check out Saint John Paul II’s On the Dignity and Vocation of Women. Tis a good place to start. 🙂

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Lorelei is the author of creepy, magical, hopeful stories for children. Her debut, *The Circus of Stolen Dreams, released* in 2020. Her second book, a magical retelling of *The Secret Garden,* released in 2022. Both are available for purchase wherever books are sold.

In Which Mary Charlotte Receives the Sacrament of Baptism

February 6, 2017November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ 2 Comments

There’s a story in the Gospel of Luke about a man who was paralyzed. Jesus was speaking in a house nearby, and the man’s friends carried him there. It was so crowded that they could not get in the door. However, they did not give up. They carried their friend up on the roof of the house, opened a hole in the roof, and lowered the man down so he could meet Jesus and be healed.

The paralyzed man could not get there on his own. He needed others to bring him to Jesus. Today, we acted likewise and brought our infant daughter, who can’t yet speak for herself, to Jesus through the Sacrament of Baptism. That story provides such a beautiful parallel to what we do when we baptize our infants.

So much love.

And now our work has just begun, as we live to raise her with a strong Catholic faith. Soon enough, she will begin making her own decisions about growing in her faith as we support and guide her, and model for her what it is to live this life as a Christian. But this Sacrament is an amazing way to start her off on that journey, and we are so thankful, once again, for the gifts of the Church, and the Sacraments that help to guide us.

-Lorelei

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Catholic 101: Make up your minds already! The sitting, standing, and kneeling of Mass

February 4, 2017November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ 8 Comments

Kneel. Up. Down. Up. Down. Kneel. Up. Down. Up. Whew! Non-Catholics attending a Catholic Mass think a lot of things about the different postures Catholics take. Things like “Oh, up we go again.” And “Why are we kneeling?” And “Is it wrong if I kneel with my butt still on the seat, especially if I’m not sure why I’m kneeling in the first place?” I know non-Catholics think these things, because when I was a non-Catholic, those were my thoughts. I had no idea what was going on, or why. I just tried to keep up.

Now, as a Catholic, one of the things I’ve grown to appreciate about Mass is how each and every. single. thing. has significance. Every single movement, posture, word spoken, and thing done means something. The more you understand about what is going on in a Mass, the more you are able to appreciate its beauty. Which is why this post focuses on the “why” of the sitting, standing, and kneeling of a Catholic Mass.

The Sitting

Sitting is a posture of listening. Catholics sit for the first reading (often from the Old Testament), the Psalm (often actually sung), and the second reading (New Testament, not from the Gospel). We also sit for the offering, and the homily (sermon). We sit, ready to hear and receive. We sit to listen.

The Standing

For Prayer: Standing has been a posture of prayer for Jewish people since before the time of Jesus. Standing during prayer is also seen throughout different parts of the Bible. So, as Catholics, we continue to utilize this posture for prayer today. Some examples of when we stand during Mass for prayer: When we pray the opening prayer (led by the Priest) say The Lord’s Prayer (as a congregation), and the Prayers of the Faithful (the prayer requests for the congregation).

For the Creed: We stand as we say in unison what Christians have believed from the earliest times, in the form of the Nicene or Apostles Creed. We stand to affirm our unity and our beliefs together as Christians.

For the Gospel: Standing is also a sign of respect. We have many readings from the Bible during Mass, but we stand for the Gospel out of particular respect, since these are the words and deeds of Jesus himself.

For the Procession: We stand at the beginning and end of Mass, also as a sign of respect as the celebrant (Priest or Bishop who is celebrating the Mass) processes in to begin the Mass, and processes out once the Mass has ended.

The Kneeling

When we enter Mass, we genuflect, where we bend and touch one of our knees to the floor. We are humbly acknowledging Jesus in the tabernacle, in the Eucharist. Catholics believe that Jesus is fully present, body, blood, soul and divinity in the Eucharist, which is Holy Communion. We believe when Jesus said “This is my body,” that he meant it literally. Jesus is veiled behind the appearance of bread and wine, but His presence is fully and truly there. This is something that the very earliest Christians believed, and continue to believe right through to the present day in Catholicism. So we acknowledge that by genuflection.

Here’s a great video by Fr. Mike Shmitz, further explaining the reason for genuflection as we enter for Mass.

Kneeling is a posture of respect and adoration. Another time when we kneel is during the preparation for and before/after reception of the Eucharist (The Body and Blood of Christ in Holy Communion). We kneel, again, because we believe Jesus is fully and truly present in Communion. If you believed you were literally in the presence of Christ himself, falling to your knees would be a natural thing to do- probably even falling flat on your face. So, we always kneel during this part of Mass, and we remain kneeling until the elements are put back away in the tabernacle, and the tabernacle is closed.

Conclusion

Well, at least you now know that we Catholics aren’t just confused about what we do with our bodies during Mass. 🙂 And this was just a very basic description of what we do with our bodies as a whole. There are a host of other movements that the congregation and the celebrant do each Mass that carry additional meaning.

How we move our body affects and reflects the state of our mind. Slouching, for example, can be a reflection of someone’s sadness, or lack of confidence, or shyness, or it can move someone in that direction. While standing tall with one’s shoulders back can be a reflection of pride, or confidence, or bravery. And, even if you aren’t feeling brave, for example, but you take a posture of bravery, it can help get you there. The postures of Mass can, likewise, reflect your state of mind, or it can help put you in the right one.

Also, both inside and outside of Mass, bodily changes of posture just for the sake of moving aren’t super helpful to anyone. If you are sitting, standing and kneeling during Mass at all the right times, but your heart isn’t in it, or you are distracted, or not focusing on the reason why you are in a particular posture, then you lose the benefit of what the postures are meant to accomplish. But if you come into Mass and you genuflect towards the tabernacle, because you are humbly acknowledging Christ’s presence there, and if you sit, intent on listening with your mind, body, and soul, and if you stand, heart focused on prayer, and if you kneel acknowledging the presence of your Savior, then, then, you’ve got something.

As in all of the structures within Mass, and within Catholicism as a whole, there are so many tools to help move your heart, mind, and soul closer in relationship with Jesus. But you can’t just go through the motions. And if you truly engage, and accept and embrace the meaning behind what you are doing, the graces and joys and richness available to you in Mass and in the Catholic Church are immensely beautiful, and only bring you nearer to your Savior.

-Lorelei

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Missing Grandma

January 30, 2017November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ 1 Comment

One of my most vivid memories from childhood is Christmas Eve at Grandma Wondrash’s house. Not one Christmas Eve in particular, but a conglomerate of all the Christmas Eve’s I spent there put together. Because, even though I grew and the adults aged and the years changed, so much about each year was always exactly the same. The cookies Grandma baked and kept in the freezer for each family to take home. The apron she wore. The way she decorated the tree. The meal she cooked for us all. The size of the bounty under the tree.

Once, during the year before she died, I was at a busy coffee shop when she called me. I stepped outside and we talked about her cancer. I asked her if she had a faith that she could hold onto. She said “Oh yes. I’m in God’s hands now.”

During our last Christmas Eve together, I was engaged to be married. I unwrapped my gifts, and came to one from her. I removed the wrapping paper and saw a Victoria’s Secret box. The people in the room took notice. My grandmother had purchased lingerie for me, and she got a kick out of it. And so did my dad… and my aunt and uncle… and my brother… and all the other people there it would be awkward to open lingerie in front of. One of my favorite memories of her to this day.

I shopped with her for the dress she would wear to our wedding. It was spring green, she looked… somehow younger. She felt pretty. We were in the fitting room when she casually mentioned that she would also like to be buried in that dress. Such strangeness, picking out a dress for her to wear to our wedding and her funeral at the same time and within the same dress.

The last time Grandma and I spoke, it was during cocktail hour at our wedding reception. We took a family photo, and she looked at me and said “You look so beautiful.” She wasn’t one to show much emotion, but her eyes were wet and her voice conveyed both strength and brokenness. She knew. I wish I had known that was my last moment with her. I would have lingered and stretched that moment as long as I could. I’m convinced she held on partly so she could see me on my wedding day.

I wish I could have been there with her as she passed. I had the honor of being there with my maternal Grandma and Grandpa when they died. I would have left anything to be by her side if I had known. I hope she didn’t feel alone.

Grandma has been gone for nearly 10 years now. I remember this easily, because she passed away while Jp and I were on our honeymoon, in late May 2007. We were in Door County, and I didn’t get cell phone service throughout the week. We found out on a dull stretch of highway as we approached Green Bay. I told my dad about the dress.

We had our family Christmas Eve party today, delayed due to a December blizzard. Each year now, I have a moment of acutely missing her during this party. Today, I was nursing the baby in my Grandpa’s room. He has pictures of our family on a small desk that I send him in the mail. But the house is a different house. And the meal has changed. And the tree is gone. No one makes the cookies anymore. And I so badly want her to meet her great grandchildren, and to know that I named Mary after her. And the missing just hurts.

And so I talk to her for a moment, and sometimes I cry for a moment, trusting that she can hear me from God’s loving arms. And I tell her I miss her. And I know that she no longer has cancer, and that she can breathe freely, and that she is at peace.

But the missing is hard.

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A Letter to My Infant Daughter

January 22, 2017November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ 1 Comment

Dear Mary,

From the moment of your conception, you were genetically distinct from me, your momma. You were not an extension of my own body, but were your own self.

From the moment of your conception, I had an obligation to respect your body, just as I respect mine. I had an obligation to provide a safe and healthy environment in which you would be able to grow and develop until you could sustain yourself outside.

You will hear, as you grow up, that in fact, I did not have such an obligation, and that it would have been legally permissible for me to terminate your existence. But we live in a world where what is legal is not always what is right. I follow the laws of this country, but I follow the moral code of our Christian faith. And that moral code is very clear about your value and your personhood prior to your physical birth.

Psalm 139:13-14

“You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother’s womb. I praise you, because I am wonderfully made…”

You were created, my child, from the moment of your conception with a soul, with a purpose, and with intrinsic value given to you by your Creator.

From the moment of your conception, it became my obligation, and my joy, even through the suffering, to put my own interests aside to serve the interest of your well-being. It became my obligation to put my own convenience aside. My own comfort aside. My own plans aside.

Because nothing in this life points to the idea that it is good for us to serve our own interests. Nothing in this life points to the idea that following our own plans leads to happiness. Nothing in this life points to the idea that we should be expecting or deserving of comfort and convenience. Those things are not what life is about, and those things are not owed to us.

What is good for us is to serve the needs of others before ourselves. From the moment of your conception, you gave me the gift of being able to practice that, in a very real way, the entire time you grew inside of me, and beyond. What is good for us is to trust that sometimes, our plans for our lives aren’t always the best, and that maybe God’s plans, at times in the form of a small human life, are better- and could hold blessings for us down the road that we can’t even imagine. What is good for us is to accept discomfort and inconvenience as gifts that can help us to grow in holiness and love. What is good for us is to know that we aren’t owed anything, and that anything good we receive is a gift of grace, unearned.

There are people that will fight for the legal right to terminate a life growing inside a woman’s body. We need to pray for those people. We need to pray that the value of life from the moment of conception is seen and understood. We need to pray that we stop clinging so tightly to our perceived right to comfort and convenience, and start clinging tightly to trust in God, who endows each soul with intrinsic value, and who will sustain those called to motherhood.

We also need to pray that those who fight to give pre-born babies a legal right to exist will also fight for the rights of those children to have a safe and healthy upbringing. If a mother in difficult circumstances values her baby’s life and gives birth, we need to fight for her right to support her child and sustain a livelihood. Because life doesn’t lose value once born.

My dear daughter, we believe that from the moment of conception until the moment of natural death, that life has value. Immense value, regardless of what the laws say. And we need to pray for, and love on, and speak the truth of this to others.

Because, from the moment of your conception… you were you. And your right to exist came not from me, but from God. And He is and will always be our ultimate standard of justice.

Love,

Mom

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Some thoughts on suffering

January 20, 2017November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ 1 Comment

Death and taxes. Two things that are famously known for their certitude. But, I suggest that death (and some might argue taxes) is merely a form of something else- much more frequent and just as certain. And that something else is Suffering.

That’s why I fully reject the idea that Christianity is some sort of free pass to comfort or prosperity. All the evidence is clear. This life is not a cruise. There is no “smooth sailing” to our final destination, in the sense that we can get there by avoiding pain. God isn’t some magician whose purpose is to send checks in the mail and provide big ole’ houses for those who just name it and claim it with enough faith. We aren’t owed material wealth. And I might argue, that comfort might not be super good for us.

Jesus promised us an abundant life. But the world is feeding us lies about what abundance means. Abundance doesn’t mean yachts and sprawling mansions and millions of dollars in the bank. In fact, people who put the value of their identities in material abundance are, even, according to Jesus, the most poor. The most lacking. We need to define abundance by God’s standard, not HGTV’s, or Elle Magazine’s, or billboards along the highway.

Facts of Life:

At some point, everyone we know will die. Either before or after we do.

At some point, our lives will be touched in some way by chronic illness or cancer, whether ourselves or through someone we know and love.

At some point, unexpected things will happen that cause stress.

At some point, we will need to make difficult decisions, that don’t have a black and white answer.

At some point. At some point. Something will happen that causes us to suffer.

Help Number One: He Knows

Out of all the world religions that take themselves seriously, an interesting fact is that the Christian God is the only God who has actually personally known suffering.

Many people have unease or misconceptions about why Catholics have Jesus on the crucifix, when many Protestant churches have the empty cross. It’s not that we don’t believe in, or celebrate the resurrection. If you think that, check out an Easter Vigil Mass sometime. That thing is sweet. It encompasses the movement from death to life, in everything from the use of lighting, to the scripture readings, to the tone of the music. Catholics most certainly believe in the Resurrection.

Part of the reason Jesus is on the cross on the crucifix, is because it is a reminder to us of how our Savior intimately knows and understand suffering, and that becomes an immense comfort to us, as we face the different struggles of our own lives. This idea is called to mind in the Jeremy Camp song, “He Knows.”

The crucifix isn’t about keeping Jesus on the cross. It’s about identifying our suffering with His own, and receiving the comfort that comes from that. And whether or not you use that tool in your own faith walk, all Christians can take comfort in the fact that our God knows immense suffering.

Help Number 2: Suffering Isn’t the Worst Thing

I think humanity, in general, seeks to reduce our discomfort. When my daughter fills her diaper, she cries to let us know its time for a change. When my older children get an “owie,” the first thing they do is run to me for a kiss to “make it better.” From the earliest age, we seek to eliminate discomfort… we seek to eliminate our own suffering.

But, interestingly, the Christian faith teaches us that, in fact, our own personal suffering is not the worst thing! I recently read an article about people of faith who put a radical trust in God. It told the story of a pastor tortured for his faith in China, and after he was tortured, he was put into a very small box, just a few feet tall and wide and deep. Instead of praying for his own freedom, he prayed for a Bible. He didn’t pray for his own physical suffering to end- he prayed for a Bible (and received one, by the way!). Because he knew the ultimate truth. That suffering, even to the point of death, isn’t the worst thing that can happen to a person. Sin is worse. Not being able to share the love of God with others, is worse. Not knowing God, is worse. The priority is not on relieving suffering, the priority is on holiness. And if being in that box meant that this pastor was able to share God’s love with his captors, then he was more content to be there than he was desirous of freedom.

Woah.

Help Number 3: The Fruit of Suffering

This one, also probably doesn’t always feel that great, at least at the outset. Catholics use the term “Redemptive Suffering” to describe how the fruit of suffering can actually be a good thing, if we allow God to work through our pain. It allows for the very real possibility that through suffering, can come immense beauty. We see this most easily in Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection. The death Jesus experienced was cruel, and painful, and one of the worst ways probably possible to die. But, had He not gone through that pain, we would have no Easter morning. We would have no celebration of all that He conquered precisely because he did suffer. We would have no salvation.

We have another saying that goes “offer it up.” We can allow our suffering to become redemptive, useful, and helpful to ourselves and others if we refuse to wallow in the pain itself, but instead seek out the purpose in why we are being allowed to suffer, and to offer our own suffering back up to God for the good of others. In my own life, having experienced Posptartum Depression/Anxiety after the birth of our son has allowed me to support several other moms in my life who are going through it. Going through PPD was, in my experience, a bit like hell on earth, but God has allowed me to go through that, in order that some others will not feel quite so alone. And that has helped to redeem my own experience, and give purpose to the pain that I went through during that season of life. Redemptive Suffering on a small scale, in my own life.

We can waste our suffering, or we can use it. It’s a choice each one of us has each time we face any of our own pain. And we have the best example in our Savior, who used His suffering for the ultimate redemptive purpose.

Concluding Thoughts

I think it’s important that we as Christians work to grow in our ability to see suffering as an essential and sometimes necessary component to our lives. Christianity by no means promises comfort in the sense of ease. If you were able to ask any of the original apostles if their decision to live life following Jesus meant ease and prosperity for them, or comfort by a worldly standard, I’m fairly certain the answer you would get is ‘no.” Especially since nearly all of them were martyred for their faith. However, walking through this life with Jesus promises comfort and prosperity that isn’t tied to the standards of the world. And sometimes, some of our riches are necessarily born through pain. Riches like compassion for others, understanding of someone else’s experience, humility, sobriety, empathy, and mercy. Sometimes suffering teaches us lessons we wouldn’t otherwise have learned.

If only we let it, suffering can be redemptive.

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Mary Charlotte

January 16, 2017November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ 5 Comments

We have been so thankful to welcome Mary Charlotte Savaryn into the world on December 26th! The whole end of pregnancy while working full time with 2 other kiddos didn’t leave a lot of time to write, but it did leave a lot of time for reflection, so this post has been a long time coming.

Prior to becoming pregnant with Mary, I was full of fear. Because of my traumatic pregnancy with August, the idea of getting pregnant again was terrifying, and my husband and I were not wanting to go through that again. I already wrote a bit here about how this pregnancy has allowed for such healing in our marriage in how we were able to handle the challenges of pregnancy differently this time around, which has had much to do with our Catholic faith.

But on a more personal level, just seeing God’s faithfulness in bringing me through the physical challenges of pregnancy this time, and knowing that He was sustaining me through the nausea, through the growing pains, through the discomforts at the end, and all the way through to a very healthy and healing natural delivery, boosted my own personal faith in countless ways.

I know that God had willed for us to have another child, and being open to life again was a big step of faith. And through it all I never felt abandoned… I could kneel in Mass and feel nauseous and know that Jesus, who asked this of me, was there, literally, sustaining me, right there in the Eucharist. I could kneel in Mass and feel the weight of my child inside me this December and know that Jesus, who asked this of me, was still, right there, always, in such a concrete way, a way I had never had access to prior to becoming Catholic. I knew that He has such a plan for this life, and that He was pleased with our faithfulness in being open to another child. Receiving Jesus each Mass was something I looked forward to and was grateful for, many times through tears, throughout the more difficult stages of growing this babe.

I also had the blessing of being very pregnant during the season of Advent. I was able to study and contemplate the journey of Mary at the end of her pregnancy, anticipating the birth of her own child. The discomfort she must have felt to be so pregnant on such a long journey, her own wonderings at when her child would be born, her own feelings and emotions as the time drew near, her faithfulness in the (much greater) task that God had set before her. And this Advent, due to my new relationship with and appreciation of the Mother of my Lord, I drew more comfort than ever that Mary knew what it was like, especially since she had so much more at stake than I did. And she was so faithful. And if she could be so faithful, then I knew I could as well.

My relationship with Mary has only started to grow, but I also felt her sustaining me throughout this pregnancy. Our daughter carries my grandmother’s names, one of which is also the name of our Holy Mother, and that was no coincidence.

It is my utmost goal to raise my children strong in the Catholic faith, so they can grow to be Saints in this world by following Jesus with their whole lives. This journey to motherhood for the 3rd time was particularly special, and healing, and I cannot wait to see what God has in store for this little life that he chose to bless us with, and through whom He already has provided such healing in my marriage, and in my soul.

-Lorelei

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When The Kids Leave and Mom has Time to Breathe

August 21, 2016November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ 1 Comment

When a set of grandparents takes the kiddos for a few days, you begin to remember certain things. Like, for example, how to have a complete thought. As well as how to use the restroom by yourself.

But getting that little bit of space, even for a couple of days, has helped put some perspective back into this tricky business of raising little humans. There have been 2 things I’ve been questioning myself (Lorelei) on lately.

The first, is if we are doing alright by our sweet but strong willed daughter. When, after what I think is a simple request or a routine transition through the day, I hear, with all the conviction she can muster “No! NEVER! I will never do what you say!” or some variation of that every couple of days, followed by a big To Do of the screaming and Time Out sort, it kind of shakes your mojo.

I’m sometimes far too quick to be like “I basically have a Masters Degree in Child Development since I’m a teacher, so this mothering thing should be far easier for me than it is for other mere mortals. Bwahahaha.” And then something like that happens, and I’m like “ohmygoodness I actually have no clue what I am doing here.”

The second, is my wondering and hoping that we are setting a strong example of living out our faith within our own lives and our family life, so our kids will have a firm foundation to stand on when they get older and life is no longer as simple as it is when one is a child. That, probably, is one of our biggest ‘burdens’ as parents- hoping that our children find the same peace we have found in our faith for themselves long term.

In addressing my first concern, JP and I have been able to talk the past few days about things, and it turns out Felicity is a lot like JP was when he was smaller. So there is hope that, if that strong will gets channelled well, then she will turn out totally awesome, like her dad. 😉 But I can also see the pattern of our consistency with her, which I have to believe will work for her benefit in the long run. And, in this space of an empty house, I am able to reflect and see the many moments when she does show cooperation, helpfulness, or even selflessness. Those moments are often quieter than the moments of rebellion, but they for sure are there. Like, when she used her quiet time a couple weeks back to legitimately clean up the tornado of toys strewn all over the upstairs without being asked. Or, when she gives a friend she hardly ever sees a special toy of hers to keep to remember her by. Or when she plays thoughtfully with her little brother, who follows her around like she’s the best thing ever. Those beautiful and kind moments are there, just like the loud and difficult ones. But I needed this peace and space to be able to see them in balance and regain my perspective.

Look, they like each other! (Most of the time)

My second concern has been a big prayer request of mine for the past few months. I so desire for our children to be able to live their lives in the beauty of our faith. And within this space I’ve had the past few days, I can recognize that some small things have been happening. Things that let me know they are watching us, and absorbing what we do. Moments when Lissie prays for our neighbor to feel better. Walking into Mass on Sunday and seeing Auggie genuflect clumsily on his little toddler knees before coming in the pew, just like the rest of us. I know he’s copying our movement at the moment, but that habit will lead to discussions with him, as it already does with Lissie, about why we kneel, and what that means for our faith down the road. The kiddos have also been pretending to distribute Communion to JP and I, using little leaves, and they store those leaves in, of all things, a treasure chest. At some level, even now, they understand the importance of Communion, even though they see it only once a week. They are even imitating the tabernacle with their little treasure chest- they realize the Body of Christ belongs in a special place. It’s a start.

Handfuls of other little things flood my mind in this quiet place, and I see that our kids are indeed picking up on the habits of our faith, and that Felicity is asking questions and discussing with us the implications of all that we do in her desire to understand them better. Felicity understands that we are so thankful for Jesus, and so thankful for the gift of being able to live out our faith in the Catholic Church. And she is participating more and more as she is able, as is her little brother. And seeing that pattern warms this momma’s heart.

Ultimately, I know I don’t have total control in how much any of this sticks long-term. One of my most frequent prayers is that my children, and their children, and on and on for generations would live life through faith in Jesus. Yes, they have their own wills, but prayer is also so important in the lives of our little ones. As is our example.

Today, a Little Tykes Jeep. Tomorrow… the world!

After this little breather we’ve had the past couple of days, it’s helped reaffirm to me that we are on a good path. And, that even through the tricky parts of tricky days, grace is abundant, and there is indeed beauty amidst what all too often feels like chaos. Perspective is a beautiful thing. But so is having the kids around. It’s weird without kissing their sleeping faces before I go to bed around here. What’s all this nonsense about JP and I watching Netflix without someone coming down and asking for milk? Ha ha ha. It’s been nice, but one gets used to one’s little people doing their little people things, and the rhythm is definitely different without them.

Now I’m about to sneak in a few more moments of quiet before they return home and snuggle me like crazy, which I am more than ready for. And, by the grace of God I shall live to complete more thoughts and ponder about life and use the restroom by myself again another day. 🙂

-Lorelei

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You Say That I Am

August 19, 2016November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ 1 Comment

Have you ever wondered what Jesus meant by something he said? Me (JP)? All the time!

In my most recent encounter with this, while I was listening to the Gospel of John on audio I got to the scene where Jesus is on trial. On a couple occasions, Jesus’ accusers ask him who he is. Ultimately, they want to hear him claim to be the Messiah. If he claims this, they’ll be able to convict him: they’ll argue that he can’t really be the Messiah since he didn’t keep the Sabbath day laws, and possibly other reasons too, I’m not sure. But I do know they wanted to hear him claim to be the Messiah.

Now, what struck me is Jesus’ reply to their question. They ask: are you the Messiah? Alright, here we go, what are you going to say Jesus? Sounds like I should expect a “yes” or a “no”. Instead, what he says surprised me. He says: it is you that say I am. …. What? These are the Pharisees. They don’t ‘say you are’. They have decided that you are not. What do you mean? Jesus, what do you mean???

I reflected on our Lord’s response and wondered if he means that, like it or not, through their actions they are in effect ‘saying that he is the Messiah’. It’s their actions that are doing the talking.

Jesus’ life story was written before he lived on earth. That story, found all throughout the Old Testament, included his suffering and his death. To suffer and die included accusers, nay-sayers, those who did not believe he is who he says he is – God. Thus, by putting him on trial with the intent of killing him, the Pharisees, the accusers, the nay-sayers, they were playing out what had been predicted long ago. The sad part is that they didn’t have the eyes to see it.

Let us not be blind as those who put Jesus to death were. Let us remind ourselves who he really is – God. Then let us obey him. He created us. He wants us to become the best versions of ourselves. That requires our cooperation. That requires that we obey him. … And what is it that you command Jesus?

“Love.”

-John Paul

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A Story of Healing

August 13, 2016November 15, 2020 ~ Lorelei Savaryn ~ 2 Comments

JP’s last post, found here if you haven’t read it, gave some insight into Jp’s journey during a period of time where our marriage has been transformed. I (Lorelei) would now like to share my simultaneous journey. It’s one of the most personal, and, for us, the most powerful in our marriage so far.

When we found out we were pregnant with the little fella’ we would come to know as August, Jp and I were so excited. I was so sure it would be easier the second time around… somehow I’d feel better, be less nauseous, be able to eat more. With my daughter, I had lost 7 lbs in the first trimester from being sick.

How we announced our pregnancy with Auggie. I’m smiling, but if you look carefully, you can see I’m already pretty thin. I was losing weight at this point, but this is a few days before I started dropping 1-2 lbs a week for several weeks in a row. I don’t have many pictures from my skinniest days.

Little did we know, that my pregnancy with Auggie would be far more challenging than I ever imagined. Long story short, I developed hyperemesis gravidarum. Which basically meant I threw up all the time. I could barely keep anything down, even a sip of a drink or a single bite. When I finally was coming out of it, I knew I was getting better because I was able to drink an Ensure shake and keep it down. It took me 4 hours.

And here’s why this was difficult on our marriage. I went from being a normal, competent wife and mother, to a shrinking bit of humanity who could barely move from the couch or even shower myself well. It was a time when I was completely out of control of what was happening to my body, and my emotions were very depressive as a result. I felt useless.

JP had to cook the food, do all the grocery shopping, and take care of Felicity when he was home because I was barely making it through the day. He was also commuting to Chicago each day and working a challenging post-doc. He wasn’t prepared for me to completely tank.

As a result, at a time I needed my husband to support and love me more than ever before, JP wasn’t able to consistently provide it. I think he tried, as best as he was able to. But there were moments and times that were seared in my mind and heart where I felt ever so alone. There were the nights he was making dinner, and I knew he was frustrated and resentful of the additional responsibility, and yet there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn’t move. I had to focus so hard on each little bite, that making a dinner felt like Mt. Everest.

There was the time, when I, skinnier than I should ever have been- about 12 lbs below my normal healthy weight, my eyes sunken and dark, when JP came around the corner after tucking our daughter into bed and he looked at me with such sadness and distance and asked me “Where did you go?”

I didn’t know how to answer that question. I was just trying to survive. It caused deep wounds between us. I knew that, because of how life goes, this probably wouldn’t be the only significant trial we would face, and I didn’t know how I could endure those trials without the support of my husband.

Once I passed the 20 week mark, things started to get better, as it often does with those who have HG and I started gaining weight again. I was able to cook eventually and resume my regular responsibilities. But the space created by feeling so alone for so many weeks in a time of my great need still remained.

Fast forward a bit to last fall. JP and I were each simultaneously and yet independently of each other on a path moving us closer to the Catholic Church. During the winter, JP discovered Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body. And, even though we were not in any sort of significant trial at the time, my husband started changing.

He started giving more, without being asked. He started offering, with true sincerity to help out in ways he hadn’t before. He started looking at marriage as a way to be giving and loving, and it started healing us. I read Theology of the Body (for beginners), and I understood, and I started changing as a wife, too.

This isn’t a post about TOB, but, in short, it is all about the way God designed marriage to be a reflection of the union of Christ and the Church. And our model is Jesus, who gave himself completely for us. So, as we grow in our faith, we grow in our ability to model our own lives after Christ Himself. And we learn to realize that happiness comes in giving, in being “gift” to others, and that this is the fullest sense in which we can live out our married calling, as well as our calling to the others we encounter. But, I’m sure we’ll write more on that later.

The main point of this is that we had another significant test ahead. Through our journey to the Church, our hearts became more open to more life in our family, allowing for the possibility that we would have more children.

There was a lot of fear associated with pregnancy for me. I had an 80% chance that the hyperemesis would reoccur. I had felt so alone last time.

And I remember, either just before getting pregnant or just after, as JP and I were getting ready to fall asleep, I said to him “I might need to be gift to this baby for a while, and if I do, I’m going to need you to be gift to me.” And I hoped that in so many ways this time would be better, but didn’t know.

Thankfully, I would not have qualified for the hyperemesis diagnosis this time around. For the first time, I did not lose weight. I was able to try a new medication, which I think helped. But I was still extremely nauseated, and fought being sick all day, every day, for weeks on end.

But, I also think that the change in JP made a huge difference in how I was able to cope with the intense sickness I did have.

Photo on 7-6-16 at 4.30 PM.jpg — On a particularly bad day. So tired from weeks of being nauseated with little relief.

He scooped up taking care of the kids when he was home. He willingly went to the grocery store, and made the food, and even still, when I’m “off” in the evenings even at 20 weeks, he brings me dinner, and anything else I need so I don’t need to expose myself to my “gag” triggers, which can sometimes be as simple as opening the fridge or smelling something in the pantry. He has let me sleep when I need to sleep, because I’m less nauseated when I am well rested. He massages my feet every night without being asked. And as hard as it is for me to be less helpful than my “usual” self during this time, I haven’t felt resented at all. All his actions have been encompassed in an envelope of honest love and desire to help me get through the struggle.

And I know that this change in JP is contributed only to one thing. He is growing more in love with his Savior, and is starting to look more like Him too. I still remember when he told me that he was praying for me at Mass, that God would show me how much He loves me. And God told him, “That’s your job.” I can’t even tell you how, despite being horrible and difficult in some ways, this pregnancy has provided our marriage with incredible healing. I have not been alone. I have struggled, but I have been lifted up by my husband, who is modeling spiritual leadership for me and our children. In growing this baby, I have not had to bear the challenges alone.

And that is one of the amazing gifts of this faith we hold so dear. Now, at 20 weeks, and still emerging day by day from the challenges of pregnancy sickness, our marriage has grown in love and kindness and thoughtfulness in a way that strengthens my own faith in our ability to be a model of Sacramental Marriage in the world, no matter what we may face in the road ahead.