The theme of this one was how I’m feeling exasperated, and impatient. How I’m struggling to maintaing peace because the baby is at a demanding phase where she only wants Mommy. And she doesn’t sleep for very long at a time during the day. And it’s just wearing me out, which causes me to not handle other things as well as I could.
Father listened, and nodded, and smiled as I shared.
My penance (which has nothing to do with my actual forgiveness… but is more medicine for my soul that helps me continue to move toward God) was simple. And it was that I take an amount of time to just be alone, by myself, to listen, and be in prayer.
Oh how I needed that.
My eyes welled up with tears, because here was a Priest, speaking on behalf of my Savior, hearing the things I was struggling with, and seeing right to the core of me. Knowing, I just needed some rest. That I needed quiet. And stillness.
To not have the putter putter of my baby’s little vocal engine interrupt my thoughts- even for a little while. That this exercise in self-care would better refresh me and enable me to continue the important work of raising her that God has asked me to do by being her mommy.
It’s an important lesson for me. I am doing no one any favors by running myself dry. And, yes, while I step away for a while, the baby may cry. But her daddy knows how to take care of her and she will be safe and loved until I return. But to have that time… time where my thoughts are clear and I can think a few complete thoughts in a row… of course this is what is good for me. But I was too deep in it to see it for myself. And, of course, Jesus was able to use the Priest in the Sacrament of Reconciliation to remind me of what would be good for me. Goodness that would spread into goodness for all my family. Of course. Of course. Because Jesus knows me so well.
Time and again, I am so thankful for Confession. Because, time and again, Jesus meets me there and loves me and forgives me and equips me to continue the good work he has set out for me to do. Because He who knit me together in my mother’s womb knows me better than anyone. And He meets us. In the confessional, in our prayer life, in little and unexpected moments. And, He meets us through the words of a Priest, that cut right through to the heart of an issue, and give one tired momma permission to grant herself some rest.
Lorelei
Purchase Lorelei’s Books Here:
Lorelei is the author of creepy, magical, hopeful stories for children. Her debut, The Circus of Stolen Dreams, released in 2020. Her second book, a magical retelling of The Secret Garden, released in 2022. Both are available for purchase wherever books are sold.
“There are not one hundred people in the United States who hate The Catholic Church, but there are millions who hate what they wrongly perceive the Catholic Church to be.”
-Fulton J. Sheen
I don’t know that I can say I ever full-on hated the Catholic Church. But there were many years where I know I didn’t like it very much.
I know that there are many objections to the Catholic Church, and I can’t possibly name or understand them all. I can only know the experience in my own head. I know what my own objections were, and I know that many of my objections were amongst the pretty common ones. Like the deal with Mary and The Saints, Purgatory, Earning One’s Salvation Through Works (say whaa?), Accepting the Authority of the Church on the same level as The Bible, etc.
Those poor, weird, misguided, though often good-hearted, Catholics, I thought.
However, I had a few things to learn. During my own Conversion Journey to the Catholic Church, I found that most of the beliefs I had about what the the Catholic Church taught were actually incorrect. (Whew! … Especially about the earning my own salvation thing). And, others, I found out, I only had understood in the most shallow sense. It was like, at first, before I knew any better, I was looking at what was supposed to be art, but all I could see was grey. How could that possibly be art? It’s just grey. That doesn’t make sense. But, as I learned about where I was standing in relation to the rest of the painting, I found out I was staring at only a 2 inch section of an entire, larger-than-life mural on a wall. Once I backed up, I could see the bigger picture. Then that grey piece didn’t strike me as so odd.
Then imagine that someone informed me I was wearing glasses that only allowed me to see the world in shades of black and white. And I took them off. And the whole mural was actually painted in the most vivid colors imaginable. That’s kind of what coming into the Catholic Church did for my Christian faith, once I had the curiosity and the openness to understand the reality of the situation.
One of my own biggest problems prior to my Confirmation was that I had only ever studied or listened to Protestant sources on Catholicism, which, as it turns out, wasn’t the best way to get the most accurate info.
It would be like someone saying there was going to be a lecture on Christianity, and you find out that that the speaker is an Athiest. Would we be able to trust that an Athiest would provide us with the most accurate information about Christian beliefs? I don’t think so. They think Christianity is at best a fairy-tale, and at worst an evil to society. It would be better, if one wanted to understand Christianity accurately, to seek out a reputable source from inside the faith itself.
The same thing applies with where we get our information on Catholicism. If I got my sources on the Catholic Church from someone whose main aim is to prove the Church is wrong, I can’t guarantee I’m going to be getting accurate information. And, based on my experience, I can probably guarantee I won’t.
That’s what happened to me. And, when I started looking into things from the Catholic perspective, I was, time and time again, like “Oh- wow. I did not understand that correctly.” And then I was like “Oh- wow. This stuff makes a ton of sense.” And then, “Oh- wow. I want in.”
So, too, I would recommend this to anyone who has any sort of qualms or questions or thoughts about what the Catholic Church teaches. Try going to the source. Step back from that 2 inch section of mural, and allow yourself to accurately see the bigger picture. Take off those shades.
Feel free to…
Send This Catholic Family an email. Ask some questions. We love to chat! I think coming from a Protestant background, sometimes talking to a convert can help bridge the language/vocabulary gap. There are certain instances where Catholics and Protestants use the same word to mean different things. And, from personal experience, there are certain places it makes more sense to start when looking for an answer to a specific question coming from the outside.
Check out Catholicism For Dummies. A really great, accessible resource filled with accuracy.
Fr Mike Schmitz videos on Ascension Presents. He’s a cool, engaging priest with great answers to some of the classic questions. I recommend starting with this one.
I guess the point of this post is to suggest that anyone who has questions about the Catholic faith take a closer look, and go right to the source to do it. In my own story, a lot of misconceptions were laid aside. I think it would help all us Christians to grow closer together in dialogue and in Christian Unity, if, at the very least, we are able to understand each other accurately. And, who knows, there might just be some beauty and some truth lurking in a place you didn’t know it could be found.
-Lorelei
Purchase Lorelei’s Books Here:
Lorelei is the author of creepy, magical, hopeful stories for children. Her debut, The Circus of Stolen Dreams, released in 2020. Her second book, a magical retelling of The Secret Garden, released in 2022. Both are available for purchase wherever books are sold.
This is the story of a young girl, now grown woman, who looks back on a movie she absolutely loved and watched multiple times throughout her formative teenage and young adult years. It’s about a dramatically changed opinion. It’s about a call to awareness, a call to seek out Truth. And it all starts by giving another look at the seemingly classic romantic comedy called:
Pretty Woman
Looking back, I find it interesting that neither I, nor anyone I know that I watched this movie with when I was younger ever questioned what was going on.
At a fundamental level, Pretty Woman romanticizes prostitution, and creates the fantasy that true, meaningful, lasting love (well, we don’t really know if they last… the final scene in the movie is a grande romantic gesture, not a glimpse into their life together years down the road), can come from a beginning in exploitation and lust.
To start, I know Julia Robert’s character in the movie doesn’t have a pimp, which removes a hair of the horrors she would have faced, but she is remarkably unscathed for someone who has been selling her body for a while. She bears none of the apparent effects of trauma from rape, or abuse that women who actually are sold or sell themselves face on a regular basis. But none of that is romantic. Or comedic. So… obviously they had to make her seem normal- healthy even. Like a cool girlfriend you’d like to have, except she just sells her body on the streets each night without any side effects. No biggie.
Reality check. For the past 2 years I have been part of a ministry where I have the honor each month to spend time with and love on young women that are exploited, and let me tell you, none of it is romantic, or healthy. And I mean healthy in the sense of “this is an ok thing that should regularly be happening and is good for the people involved.” There are a lot of myths associated with how people perceive how women “choose” to enter the sex industry, which could be another article in itself. But, suffice it to say, it is very rarely a “choice,” in the sense of a woman, who has had a normal and healthy upbringing, with no abuse or trauma, and just wants to make some extra good money, decides to enter the sex industry of her own free will and with no coersion then, or thereafter. And that woman, with plenty of other options, is free to choose to leave whenever she is ready to be done. Sure. Maybe. Sometimes. I may have met one or two such women during my time in this ministry. But the dozens of other women I’ve met tell the story that the above scenario is most certainly the exception, and not even close to the rule.
But it’s just a fun movie, some might say. You’re taking it wayyy to seriously… Well… that’s a nice thought, but I don’t think I am taking it too seriously. Because I know what the message this movie sent to pre-teen/teen me was. It’s the same message the cover of Cosmo sent to me, and Redbook, and commercials, and a host of other things. And when a young girl is exposed to enough of that message, at least part of it gets internalized. At least part of that message let me know that, when all else fails, a woman can and should use her body as leverage. It let me know that some significant part of my purpose and worth had to do with my sexual appeal to men.
I could go further into detail about my own personal story, but thank God, I have since learned the twisted nature of those lies I was fed. I’m at a point now where my own personal convictions about where Truth resides are solid. I don’t even care what the magazines and the media and whatever else tell me my worth is. I no longer buy the magazines that perpetuate those messages. I no longer go to those websites. I question every source other than my Creator that tries to tell me who or what I am and what I am good for.
But what I do care about, is the many impressionable young and grown minds that don’t view these messages through any sort of filter. I do care about a Men’s Health magazine, with a provocatively dressed and posed woman on the cover, placed on a low shelf, cover out, at eye-level perfect for my daughter and son to see as we check out at Barnes and Noble. I know that the line I’ve been using when I catch Felicity looking at such a cover that “Oops, looks like that lady forgot to finish putting her clothes on! How silly!” isn’t going to work for much longer, and we are going to have to begin having a much broader, much more serious discussion. And, finally, I do care about the women I see each month who so need to know their value, and are constantly fed lies about their worth by the world around them and the men and women who exploit them.
Full disclosure. I more than just “don’t like” Pretty Woman anymore. I’m mad about it it. Maybe not so much the movie itself, but the culture that made it a hit, and the full on lies we women are buying into all too often.
Anything that glamourizes and romanticizes lust and exploitation is something that is a significant concern. And the reason isn’t just because messages like the one Pretty Woman send out into the world messed up my young self a bit. It’s because those messages undercut the absolute, no-hold-barred Truth about the value of women.
Saint John Paul II wrote extensively on the value and dignity of women, and it is the Church that fully reflects how God intended the dignity of women to be seen, and appreciated, and valued. One of my favorite quotes by him is as follows:
“There is no dignity when the human dimension is eliminated from the person. In short, the problem with pornography is not that it shows too much of the person, but that it shows far too little.”
Pornography and all forms of exploitation show a ton of skin, but nothing of the humanity of the person beneath it. And that is the root of the problem. When a human… becomes an object. And not only an object, and object meant for the consumption of another. The woman on that Men’s Health cover is not just an attractive body, but a soul-filled person with an inherit dignity. Removing the person to lust after the body strips her of her dignity. And we, simply, have no right to strip anyone of that.
One of the greatest gifts and encouragements to me on my own journey to understanding my value has been the Church, who, in the midst of the culture described above, reveals a completely different narrative about women, and their worth. It is my hope and prayer that my daughters, the women I have the pleasure to know in all facets of my life, and many others will start to or continue to question the narrative of the world at large about our worth, and instead seek the Truth of our value given to us by God. Like with food, we internalize what we consume. We internalize what we see with our eyes and hear with our ears. Let us turn off the noise and turn up the Truth. Let us question all that we are fed by this culture about our bodies and our sexuality. Let us be brave enough to speak louder than the world to our daughters, so they believe it. Let us stop spending money on movies, magazines, and other media that break down and manipulate the truth that we are a body/soul composite with inherent dignity.
Let us refuse to be seen as anything less than we truly are.
Lorelei is the author of creepy, magical, hopeful stories for children. Her debut, The Circus of Stolen Dreams, released in 2020. Her second book, a magical retelling of The Secret Garden, released in 2022. Both are available for purchase wherever books are sold.
Death and taxes. Two things that are famously known for their certitude. But, I suggest that death (and some might argue taxes) is merely a form of something else- much more frequent and just as certain. And that something else is Suffering.
That’s why I fully reject the idea that Christianity is some sort of free pass to comfort or prosperity. All the evidence is clear. This life is not a cruise. There is no “smooth sailing” to our final destination, in the sense that we can get there by avoiding pain. God isn’t some magician whose purpose is to send checks in the mail and provide big ole’ houses for those who just name it and claim it with enough faith. We aren’t owed material wealth. And I might argue, that comfort might not be super good for us.
Jesus promised us an abundant life. But the world is feeding us lies about what abundance means. Abundance doesn’t mean yachts and sprawling mansions and millions of dollars in the bank. In fact, people who put the value of their identities in material abundance are, even, according to Jesus, the most poor. The most lacking. We need to define abundance by God’s standard, not HGTV’s, or Elle Magazine’s, or billboards along the highway.
Facts of Life:
At some point, everyone we know will die. Either before or after we do.
At some point, our lives will be touched in some way by chronic illness or cancer, whether ourselves or through someone we know and love.
At some point, unexpected things will happen that cause stress.
At some point, we will need to make difficult decisions, that don’t have a black and white answer.
At some point. At some point. Something will happen that causes us to suffer.
Help Number One: He Knows
Out of all the world religions that take themselves seriously, an interesting fact is that the Christian God is the only God who has actually personally known suffering.
Many people have unease or misconceptions about why Catholics have Jesus on the crucifix, when many Protestant churches have the empty cross. It’s not that we don’t believe in, or celebrate the resurrection. If you think that, check out an Easter Vigil Mass sometime. That thing is sweet. It encompasses the movement from death to life, in everything from the use of lighting, to the scripture readings, to the tone of the music. Catholics most certainly believe in the Resurrection.
Part of the reason Jesus is on the cross on the crucifix, is because it is a reminder to us of how our Savior intimately knows and understand suffering, and that becomes an immense comfort to us, as we face the different struggles of our own lives. This idea is called to mind in the Jeremy Camp song, “He Knows.”
The crucifix isn’t about keeping Jesus on the cross. It’s about identifying our suffering with His own, and receiving the comfort that comes from that. And whether or not you use that tool in your own faith walk, all Christians can take comfort in the fact that our God knows immense suffering.
Help Number 2: Suffering Isn’t the Worst Thing
I think humanity, in general, seeks to reduce our discomfort. When my daughter fills her diaper, she cries to let us know its time for a change. When my older children get an “owie,” the first thing they do is run to me for a kiss to “make it better.” From the earliest age, we seek to eliminate discomfort… we seek to eliminate our own suffering.
But, interestingly, the Christian faith teaches us that, in fact, our own personal suffering is not the worst thing! I recently read an article about people of faith who put a radical trust in God. It told the story of a pastor tortured for his faith in China, and after he was tortured, he was put into a very small box, just a few feet tall and wide and deep. Instead of praying for his own freedom, he prayed for a Bible. He didn’t pray for his own physical suffering to end- he prayed for a Bible (and received one, by the way!). Because he knew the ultimate truth. That suffering, even to the point of death, isn’t the worst thing that can happen to a person. Sin is worse. Not being able to share the love of God with others, is worse. Not knowing God, is worse. The priority is not on relieving suffering, the priority is on holiness. And if being in that box meant that this pastor was able to share God’s love with his captors, then he was more content to be there than he was desirous of freedom.
Woah.
Help Number 3: The Fruit of Suffering
This one, also probably doesn’t always feel that great, at least at the outset. Catholics use the term “Redemptive Suffering” to describe how the fruit of suffering can actually be a good thing, if we allow God to work through our pain. It allows for the very real possibility that through suffering, can come immense beauty. We see this most easily in Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection. The death Jesus experienced was cruel, and painful, and one of the worst ways probably possible to die. But, had He not gone through that pain, we would have no Easter morning. We would have no celebration of all that He conquered precisely because he did suffer. We would have no salvation.
We have another saying that goes “offer it up.” We can allow our suffering to become redemptive, useful, and helpful to ourselves and others if we refuse to wallow in the pain itself, but instead seek out the purpose in why we are being allowed to suffer, and to offer our own suffering back up to God for the good of others. In my own life, having experienced Posptartum Depression/Anxiety after the birth of our son has allowed me to support several other moms in my life who are going through it. Going through PPD was, in my experience, a bit like hell on earth, but God has allowed me to go through that, in order that some others will not feel quite so alone. And that has helped to redeem my own experience, and give purpose to the pain that I went through during that season of life. Redemptive Suffering on a small scale, in my own life.
We can waste our suffering, or we can use it. It’s a choice each one of us has each time we face any of our own pain. And we have the best example in our Savior, who used His suffering for the ultimate redemptive purpose.
Concluding Thoughts
I think it’s important that we as Christians work to grow in our ability to see suffering as an essential and sometimes necessary component to our lives. Christianity by no means promises comfort in the sense of ease. If you were able to ask any of the original apostles if their decision to live life following Jesus meant ease and prosperity for them, or comfort by a worldly standard, I’m fairly certain the answer you would get is ‘no.” Especially since nearly all of them were martyred for their faith. However, walking through this life with Jesus promises comfort and prosperity that isn’t tied to the standards of the world. And sometimes, some of our riches are necessarily born through pain. Riches like compassion for others, understanding of someone else’s experience, humility, sobriety, empathy, and mercy. Sometimes suffering teaches us lessons we wouldn’t otherwise have learned.
If only we let it, suffering can be redemptive.
Purchase Lorelei’s Books Here:
Lorelei is the author of creepy, magical, hopeful stories for children. Her debut, The Circus of Stolen Dreams, released in 2020. Her second book, a magical retelling of The Secret Garden, released in 2022. Both are available for purchase wherever books are sold.
Recently Lorelei and I found ourselves in a lovely conversation with a dear old friend of ours from years back – although we only knew each other for a brief time before he left the state for a career move, it only took a few minutes of conversation to be right back in the thick of it. Why do we get along with this friend so well? Because he is open to exploring life. He is open to seeing something from multiple perspectives. He is open to disagreeing, and not having to be right. You see, in this way, we all get to share why we think something is the way it is, and then we look at that thing from as many vantage points as possible without feeling the need for everyone around the circle to think the same thing. Man, I really love doing this. In fact, a hallmark of my dearest friends in life is the proclivity to do just this, to look at something deeply and to investigate it from as many sides as possible. It’s really fun!
So what does this have to do with Truth? Well, first off, what is Truth? During this lovely conversation a nice set of analogies were presented to define Truth (I keep capitalizing the word for a reason, to indicate the ultimate “what is”). Here in our lives, in our physical world, we see things and we think about things, and we form opinions of things – man, do we form opinions about things. But do our thoughts and opinions equate to “what is”? Just because we think a certain way about something, does that mean we actually know “what is” about that something? I don’t think so.
We got to talking and came up with three analogies that I really liked. The first one I must credit our friend – thank you friend (you know who you are if you’re reading this). The first is this: multiple people are looking at a table. One person sees a yellow shiny surface and describes these said features. The other person sees a black rough surface, and describes these said features. But they’re both looking at the same table, how can this be? Easy. They are looking at the same table from two different vantage points, one where the sun is hitting it making it look shiny, the other where shade is hitting it making it look dark and rough. Each person’s perspective describes some aspects of the table, it gives a glimpse of the table, but not the comprehensive view.
The second analogy I can credit Lorelei for bringing up, but not for inventing. The second is this: multiple blind men are feeling an elephant – not knowing it is an elephant – and trying to figure out what it is that they are touching, without of course their sense of sight. One person who is touching the trunk concludes he is touching a tree trunk. Another person who is touching the ear concludes he is touching a sheet of leather. Another person who is touching the tail concludes he is touching a snake. And on and on, each man concluding he is touching something else depending on what part of the elephant he touches.
The third analogy I can thank myself for bringing up, but not for inventing – for that I can thank Catholic RCIA class, where the seven sacraments were likened to the seven main colors of light when refracted through a prism. Here in this analogy we have light, the source in which all the wavelengths are found, that spread out into the different colors we see, all a portion of the whole of light prior to its passing through the prism. To take this analogy farther, and as a result of listening to St. Thomas Aquinas describe God as “that than which no higher thing can be thought,” I find it beautifully satisfying to liken all of creation – every thing that has being – as a wavelength of the ultimate source of light: God.
OK, so what to make of all this? The common theme of each of these analogies is the notion that we see only in part. One application note from this is to consider this when forming an opinion and deciding how strong to hold to it. Can you see it from another perspective? I challenge you to try; trying to see it another way has made life very intellectually stimulating for me for about 9 years now. The second application note is this: how do we ever know the whole of the matter, Truth? How do we know Truth, “what is?”
The answer to “what is Truth” is shocking, for the answer is knowable, and that is shocking enough. But what’s even more shocking is the adjustment to the question it causes; we now also can answer “who is Truth?” Answer to both of these: Jesus Christ. Let this sink in. That is what he claimed. He claimed to be God – God is Truth. He also said “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” He didn’t say he knows the way, the truth, and the life; he said he is the way, the truth, and the life. Let this sink in and the scene in the Gospels where Pontius Pilate has Jesus standing in front of him and asks “what is truth” will likely never be the same for you.
Truth was standing right in front of him!
-John Paul
Purchase Lorelei’s Books Here:
Lorelei is the author of creepy, magical, hopeful stories for children. Her debut, The Circus of Stolen Dreams, released in 2020. Her second book, a magical retelling of The Secret Garden, released in 2022. Both are available for purchase wherever books are sold.
This Catholic Family: Catholic Womanhood, Family, and Conversion 