There’s a Christian song I really like called “Lead Me To The Cross.” In one line the singer asks God to “Rid me of myself.” The song and that lyric in particular have always resonated with me.
As I think about the lives of the Saints- those people who followed God to the extreme, it was always the same. Their lives became not about what they wanted for themselves, but about accepting what God had for them. About God giving them everything they want, because they want everything He gives (St. Therese of Lisieux).
Let it be known that I have quite the distance to travel to reach Sainthood. Still, I find more and more, that lately, my prayer has been that I would be emptied of all the things that are me-focused… and that God would grow in me the Grace to be other-focused, and Him-focused.
I am praying to be emptied of myself.
To be emptied of pride. Pride that is so sure my own way is the best. That I can do things better than others.
To be emptied of distractedness. The need to escape the present.
To be emptied of bitterness. The idea that holding onto the pain others have caused me is somehow my right.
To be emptied of impatience. A hurriedness that forgets to slow down and see the beauty of the world that is around me.
To be be emptied of selfishness. That desires my own pleasure above that which is good for those I love.
This…. and so much more. I desire to be emptied. But, not only emptied. For if I were emptied of these things and not filled with something else I would only be a useless vessel, void of substance. I want to be emptied, yes. But not only emptied. I also want to be filled.
Both Jesus and Mary are described in the Bible as “Full of Grace,” and only a few others that use similar terminology to describe them in essence, as “Full of the Holy Spirit.” I want to be emptied. But I want to be filled with the Grace that allows me to live my life more in union with my Savior. This is not something I can accomplish of my own doing. This is something that God can do inside of me, should I turn toward Him and allow Him to work in me.
I am praying to be filled with Grace.
Fill me with the Grace to be humble. The ability to acknowledge others above myself. And to defer my own preference to the benefit of those I encounter.
Fill me with the Grace to be present. To be truly, and fully, where I am. Right then. And right there. Mind, body and soul.
Fill me with the Grace to forgive. To extend the Grace you have given me to those who have wronged me. And to fill me with the Grace that will help me to be uneasily offended by others.
Fill me with the Grace to be patient. Patience when my children move slower than I would. Patience when my husband sees and does things differently than I would. Patience to realize that there is value in these things. That my way is not always the best.
Fill me with the Grace to be selfless. That I would not fight so much for my own rights, as to defend the rights of others. That I would be content to be the least, and rejoice with others as they are more than I. To be content and seeking out only that which God has called me to do.
Fill me with the Grace to to develop all of these things. That my life might more resemble that of your Son, Jesus. And your mother, Mary. And all the other Saints on earth and in heaven who have emptied themselves, and allowed You to fill them with the traits that help their lives look radically, and totally like Jesus, in each and every way.
-Lorelei
Purchase Lorelei’s Books Here:
Lorelei is the author of creepy, magical, hopeful stories for children. Her debut, The Circus of Stolen Dreams, released in 2020. Her second book, a magical retelling of The Secret Garden, released in 2022. Both are available for purchase wherever books are sold.
The theme of this one was how I’m feeling exasperated, and impatient. How I’m struggling to maintaing peace because the baby is at a demanding phase where she only wants Mommy. And she doesn’t sleep for very long at a time during the day. And it’s just wearing me out, which causes me to not handle other things as well as I could.
Father listened, and nodded, and smiled as I shared.
My penance (which has nothing to do with my actual forgiveness… but is more medicine for my soul that helps me continue to move toward God) was simple. And it was that I take an amount of time to just be alone, by myself, to listen, and be in prayer.
Oh how I needed that.
My eyes welled up with tears, because here was a Priest, speaking on behalf of my Savior, hearing the things I was struggling with, and seeing right to the core of me. Knowing, I just needed some rest. That I needed quiet. And stillness.
To not have the putter putter of my baby’s little vocal engine interrupt my thoughts- even for a little while. That this exercise in self-care would better refresh me and enable me to continue the important work of raising her that God has asked me to do by being her mommy.
It’s an important lesson for me. I am doing no one any favors by running myself dry. And, yes, while I step away for a while, the baby may cry. But her daddy knows how to take care of her and she will be safe and loved until I return. But to have that time… time where my thoughts are clear and I can think a few complete thoughts in a row… of course this is what is good for me. But I was too deep in it to see it for myself. And, of course, Jesus was able to use the Priest in the Sacrament of Reconciliation to remind me of what would be good for me. Goodness that would spread into goodness for all my family. Of course. Of course. Because Jesus knows me so well.
Time and again, I am so thankful for Confession. Because, time and again, Jesus meets me there and loves me and forgives me and equips me to continue the good work he has set out for me to do. Because He who knit me together in my mother’s womb knows me better than anyone. And He meets us. In the confessional, in our prayer life, in little and unexpected moments. And, He meets us through the words of a Priest, that cut right through to the heart of an issue, and give one tired momma permission to grant herself some rest.
Lorelei
Purchase Lorelei’s Books Here:
Lorelei is the author of creepy, magical, hopeful stories for children. Her debut, The Circus of Stolen Dreams, released in 2020. Her second book, a magical retelling of The Secret Garden, released in 2022. Both are available for purchase wherever books are sold.
A common question, always interesting to find out the answer. There’s been a big push in recent times to help people understand that, during Lent, we don’t just ‘give up’ things for no good reason. The point is to do something, whether it be letting go of something or picking something up, but to do something that either removes a distraction in your life, or something that adds a discipline in your life. The goal of either of those things is to move you closer in your relationship with God.
Funny story. My mom just told me that when she was a little kid, she would give up lemons for Lent. Then, occasionally throughout the year, she would eat lemons to try and prove to herself that she liked them, so then it would be okay that lemons were what she chose to give up. I thought that was cute. And probably sour.
There’s kind of a stereotype that Catholics don’t know their Bible, and it is sometimes implied that therefore they don’t think it is important. I think, having lived on both sides, that there are Protestants and Catholics that do and don’t know The Bible well. Perhaps in some way, the idea of Sola Scriptura bends in the Protestant’s favor in the sense that they feel a higher obligation to read the Bible, because they are the ones interpreting it for themselves. I don’t know. Maybe. Either way, I’ve been all those things. Both a Protestant and a Catholic, over the years, that did and did not read her Bible.
But, in addition, submitting to the Authority of The Church is no excuse for us Catholics to not be in Scripture. In fact, here’s a saintly quote on the matter:
“Ignorance of Scripture is ignorance of Christ!”
-St. Jerome
Yes St. Jerome. I note your exclamation point, and I agree with you.
At various times in my life, I have done a good job being in the Bible, and at others I haven’t. This is something I’ve wanted to change for quite some time. I don’t want to read the Bible in waves, and totally abandon it at other times. It’s a discipline I need to develop further in my own life.
Now, one thing that has helped me in general (especially of late when individual reading has been less-practiced) is how much Bible there is in a Catholic Mass. At the church we used to go to, sometimes only a couple of Bible verses would be read during the whole of the service. Those few verses were then preached on for sometimes more than 30 minutes. Which, looking back kind of feels more like a Bible Study to me now. It was officially called Expositional Preaching. A lot of times it was interesting, but it didn’t throw a lifeline to someone like me who was struggling with getting into the Bible.
Catholic Mass on a Sunday has 4 readings from the Bible. An Old Testament Reading, Psalm, New Testament Reading and a reading from The Gospel. So there’s actually a lot of Bible in Mass, plus pretty much the entire Mass itself is a living and breathing embodiment of the Book of Revelation. And then throw in there that all those readings are thematically connected. So the OT reading will have some connection to the other readings. Really helps a gal like me see the bigger picture of our salvation narrative.
So. The Bible in Mass. Cool cool.
But, my goal has ultimately been personal reading and study. So, for Lent this year I have added the Daily Readings to my every day routine. The Daily Readings are what you would hear were you to go to Daily Mass. Catholics have “Church” 7 days a week. Turns out, if you follow the Daily Readings every single day, you’ll have read through pretty much the entire Bible in 3 years.
My plan has been to get up and read the Daily Readings whilst I eat my oatmeal. So far, we’ve been doing pretty good. Most days, I also read a devotion or commentary to go along with the readings. Again, I just love how they thematically connect the Old and New Testament. So helpful.
Another great benefit of Lent is that those new habits you work to develop over the 40 days can carry over into your non-Lenten life once we arrive at Easter. I would love if I can keep this up long-term. I already am seeing the benefits to starting my day in this intentional, yet manageable way. Leaning into Scripture first thing is just a beautiful and grounded way to start my day.
Some reading this might be ol’ Bible reading pro’s. If you are- awesome. Would you be willing to pray for me, that I continue to stay personally connected to the Word of God?
Or, if you struggle in the same way I do, it’s not too late to add something for Lent. Want to join me in the daily readings? I have been using the Daily Reading Devotionals at Blessed is She. Come on along!
And, if you’ve given up or added something for Lent and want to share it, post a comment or shoot us an email. It’s always wonderful to hear the different ways that others are using this time to develop habits that help us continue to turn our hearts towards God.
Lorelei
Purchase Lorelei’s Books Here:
Lorelei is the author of creepy, magical, hopeful stories for children. Her debut, The Circus of Stolen Dreams, released in 2020. Her second book, a magical retelling of The Secret Garden, released in 2022. Both are available for purchase wherever books are sold.
Hello readers. I haven’t written in a while, and, I must say, it’s partly because I feel a tinge of cognitive dissonance about writing. In this internet age, no one talks to each other. We talk to everyone, but no one in particular. We all just put our thoughts out there without anyone actually asking us a pointed question.
Yet, in spite of me saying these things, here I am taking the mic and speaking to the world. If anyone reading this enjoys hearing what I have to say, then it is worth the effort.
This week marks the 15 year anniversary of my birth mother’s birthday into heaven. “Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat” – Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. As Christians we have no need to mourn a believer’s death. A believer’s death is what that person, hopefully, has been longing for their entire life, because it is in death that we truly live. All throughout life on earth, the more we die to ourselves, the freer we are. In our bodily death, we meet freedom Himself, so long as we accept His invitation.
In remembering my mom today, I was reminded of what a very spiritual and holy priest said once at a healing mass Lorelei and I went to. He said that when we die we will all meet Jesus. He will offer us His grace and invite us into heaven. He leaves it entirely up to us whether to accept his offer or not. When I pondered this, I suddenly knew without a doubt that mom would never reject Our Lord’s offer. She loved him with all hear heart! Thus, my mother is in heaven.
During tonight’s prayer with our children, I asked mom to pray for us. I also asked God to bring her into his presence so that she would see him as he is, so that she would share fully in the divine life of the Trinity – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. As I asked this, a tinge went through me, a little jolt of heat and tingle. I thanked God for the sign.
I wish she were here for me to see her love her grandkids. Like so many of us that have experienced the death of loved ones, I wish I could talk face to face with my mom. There are parts of me that I know come from her. And it is these parts that I often find un-related to by others, like little holes that need filling, but I can’t find the pieces that fit those holes.
But what’s my point in writing this? I’m not sure. It’s tough for me not to have a point, a learning objective. I’ve taught courses before, and a good learning objective is at the heart of effective teaching. Maybe my learning objective here is that I hope we all start talking to each other about the things that really matter in life, like our Father in heaven, the source of our being, and our destiny. Like all of us, God made my mother for himself, and he provides the Way for her to unite with him.
Precious Jesus, why you created human beings for yourself, in spite of what it would take you to provide the way for them to share in your life, only You who are Infinite Love knows. Father, for as much as it is worth, I thank you. For those of us who profess the Christian faith, the least of what we can do is do as He says!
Purchase Lorelei’s Books Here:
Lorelei is the author of creepy, magical, hopeful stories for children. Her debut, The Circus of Stolen Dreams, released in 2020. Her second book, a magical retelling of The Secret Garden, released in 2022. Both are available for purchase wherever books are sold.
“There are not one hundred people in the United States who hate The Catholic Church, but there are millions who hate what they wrongly perceive the Catholic Church to be.”
-Fulton J. Sheen
I don’t know that I can say I ever full-on hated the Catholic Church. But there were many years where I know I didn’t like it very much.
I know that there are many objections to the Catholic Church, and I can’t possibly name or understand them all. I can only know the experience in my own head. I know what my own objections were, and I know that many of my objections were amongst the pretty common ones. Like the deal with Mary and The Saints, Purgatory, Earning One’s Salvation Through Works (say whaa?), Accepting the Authority of the Church on the same level as The Bible, etc.
Those poor, weird, misguided, though often good-hearted, Catholics, I thought.
However, I had a few things to learn. During my own Conversion Journey to the Catholic Church, I found that most of the beliefs I had about what the the Catholic Church taught were actually incorrect. (Whew! … Especially about the earning my own salvation thing). And, others, I found out, I only had understood in the most shallow sense. It was like, at first, before I knew any better, I was looking at what was supposed to be art, but all I could see was grey. How could that possibly be art? It’s just grey. That doesn’t make sense. But, as I learned about where I was standing in relation to the rest of the painting, I found out I was staring at only a 2 inch section of an entire, larger-than-life mural on a wall. Once I backed up, I could see the bigger picture. Then that grey piece didn’t strike me as so odd.
Then imagine that someone informed me I was wearing glasses that only allowed me to see the world in shades of black and white. And I took them off. And the whole mural was actually painted in the most vivid colors imaginable. That’s kind of what coming into the Catholic Church did for my Christian faith, once I had the curiosity and the openness to understand the reality of the situation.
One of my own biggest problems prior to my Confirmation was that I had only ever studied or listened to Protestant sources on Catholicism, which, as it turns out, wasn’t the best way to get the most accurate info.
It would be like someone saying there was going to be a lecture on Christianity, and you find out that that the speaker is an Athiest. Would we be able to trust that an Athiest would provide us with the most accurate information about Christian beliefs? I don’t think so. They think Christianity is at best a fairy-tale, and at worst an evil to society. It would be better, if one wanted to understand Christianity accurately, to seek out a reputable source from inside the faith itself.
The same thing applies with where we get our information on Catholicism. If I got my sources on the Catholic Church from someone whose main aim is to prove the Church is wrong, I can’t guarantee I’m going to be getting accurate information. And, based on my experience, I can probably guarantee I won’t.
That’s what happened to me. And, when I started looking into things from the Catholic perspective, I was, time and time again, like “Oh- wow. I did not understand that correctly.” And then I was like “Oh- wow. This stuff makes a ton of sense.” And then, “Oh- wow. I want in.”
So, too, I would recommend this to anyone who has any sort of qualms or questions or thoughts about what the Catholic Church teaches. Try going to the source. Step back from that 2 inch section of mural, and allow yourself to accurately see the bigger picture. Take off those shades.
Feel free to…
Send This Catholic Family an email. Ask some questions. We love to chat! I think coming from a Protestant background, sometimes talking to a convert can help bridge the language/vocabulary gap. There are certain instances where Catholics and Protestants use the same word to mean different things. And, from personal experience, there are certain places it makes more sense to start when looking for an answer to a specific question coming from the outside.
Check out Catholicism For Dummies. A really great, accessible resource filled with accuracy.
Fr Mike Schmitz videos on Ascension Presents. He’s a cool, engaging priest with great answers to some of the classic questions. I recommend starting with this one.
I guess the point of this post is to suggest that anyone who has questions about the Catholic faith take a closer look, and go right to the source to do it. In my own story, a lot of misconceptions were laid aside. I think it would help all us Christians to grow closer together in dialogue and in Christian Unity, if, at the very least, we are able to understand each other accurately. And, who knows, there might just be some beauty and some truth lurking in a place you didn’t know it could be found.
-Lorelei
Purchase Lorelei’s Books Here:
Lorelei is the author of creepy, magical, hopeful stories for children. Her debut, The Circus of Stolen Dreams, released in 2020. Her second book, a magical retelling of The Secret Garden, released in 2022. Both are available for purchase wherever books are sold.
I purchased a bathroom scale for the first time in my life just over a month ago. It actually was kind of a difficult decision. I’ve never been super focused on the number on the scale. I know what a healthy weight range is for me, and, realistically I know I’ll end up back there someday. But, also realistically, I know I am like many women who do not recognize the shape of the woman they see in the mirror after giving birth. I jokingly refer to it as my period of “deflation,” but it is difficult to know the way you feel inside and the way your body looks are not in union. It’s difficult when your pants can’t make it over your widened hips. It’s difficult when you still, 2 months after giving birth, can’t fit your wedding ring all the way on your finger.
I think a lot of us probably feel that way. I gained 18 lbs more weight during this pregnancy than with the previous two. And the reason for that is actually something to celebrate. I was incredibly nauseous for the first 20 weeks, but a new medication helped enough that I didn’t get sick as often. With the first two kids, I lost weight during the first trimester. With one of them, it was nearly 10% of my bodyweight. That didn’t happen this time. And, as a result, I naturally gained more. So, the extra weight is, in many ways, good news.
Holding All The Things
And I know that I am doing much better now this third time around at being gracious to my postpartum body than I have in the past. My body grew, sustained, and gave birth to human life, which is freaking amazing. But I think I can love and appreciate my body for its ability to do that, and also accept that it is still in a period of transition. That pregnancy and postpartum are both times where our bodies change dramatically. I can say- “Ok. It sucks that I have to rotate between 4 shirts right now that look appropriate,” and also stare at my daughter and say “Woah. This amazing little creature was formed inside of me.“
I can know this, and also sometimes I just really just want to wear my wedding ring, and have more than one pair of pants that fits. I can feel frustrated when that pair gets majorly spat up on, and I have to give them an emergency wash with not enough time, and then spend an evening out doing pub trivia with damp pant legs.
I can hold all of those things and accept that they all are valid. I can sit with dichotomy. I can grant that pregnancy and postpartum are both times that require patience and grace. Yes I can.
Getting A Move On
Exercise is one of the key components to my treatment plan for Postpartum Depression/Anxiety this time around. Being active helps my mood, and enables me to manage the stressors of each day more effectively. I also know it will help to tone and strengthen me. And lose the baby weight. So, once I was cleared to move, I started a manageable yet effective workout program, interestingly titled Bikini Body Mommy. I make it like an appointment each day that I cannot miss. And the program isn’t how it sounds. The lady who runs it is a mom of 4, who looks normal, and is working on strengthening her body as well. It’s very focused on acceptance, and being strong and healthy. Just being honest – its much easier to go through this program during my postpartum period than it would be to watch a perfectly toned 0% body fat Jillian Michaels or Other Hyper Toned Woman tell me to get a move on, or that I can handle 10 more reps or something. I’ll take the mom with the kids in the background of her videos, who deals with the same stuff I do when trying to get a workout in thank you very much.
Anyway… the Bikini Body Mommy 90 day challenge has set intervals where you take your weight and measurements.
I like seeing progress, and I like things I can quantify. I wanted to engage in the program with fidelity, and so, I bought the scale. I bought the tape measure. And began.
I am now nearly 30 days into the program, and I am seeing progress and change. I’m feeling stronger and more energetic. All of which are good things. But I am also keenly aware that my 5 year old daughter is watching everything happen. And I am aware that how she sees me handle this time will teach her a lot about what she should think about her own body.
The Little Eyes Upon Me
Even if my own brain is screaming in excitement when I see the scale dip down a bit, or I notice that or that hints of a waist are beginning to reappear (and those abs are in there somewhere, I just know it), I am consciously, painstakingly careful about the words that I let out of my mouth, and of the way I let my daughter hear me talking about my body. To some extent, I have always been this way around her. But now, especially now, I am more careful than ever.
She, my precious girl, is so confident. She is so secure. She knows she is lovely. I want to build upon that, and teach her to be gracious to herself when her body goes through change. Because women’s bodies go through a lot of change in a lifetime. We are meant to expand and retract. We are meant to grow life, and give life. Our metabolisms speed up and slow down. Our bodies change monthly as our fertility cycle repeats time and time again. Our bodies are not and never will be stagnant. And I want her to know that when she, too, goes through those inevitable changes in her body, that health and strength can be the rocks she can stand on.
So here’s what we’re doing right now.
Right now, my daughter sees me exercise 6 days a week, for about 20 minutes at a time. Sometimes she joins in with me, and we talk about how strong we feel, or how we can feel our muscles working. She knows exercise is a priority. She knows that for kids, running, and playing, and anytime she is moving is good exercise. And that she’s welcome to join in with mommy. And let me tell you, that girl can plank.
Right now, I let her see me sweat. It’s ok that it is hard work. It took mommy’s tummy a long time to stretch out to grow the baby, and it’s ok and normal that it takes work and time to help get those tummy muscles un-stretched out and strong again.
Right now, I’m careful how often she sees me step on that scale. She knows that it is one way I can track how mommy is getting healthy. But I don’t make it a focus.
Right now, (and always and forever because I need food to live,) she sees me eat. Regular food. And treats. This momma cannot a day without chocolate go. But she sees me eat healthy portions, and she hears me talk about filling up on good-for-you foods first with vitamins that will make us strong, and then leaving a little room left for a treat afterwards.
Right now, (and hopefully forever,) she does not and will not hear me complain about feeling flabby, or misshapen. Truthfully, I am a bit flabby due to the extra skin. I had 8 lbs 10 oz of humanity fit inside my abdominal region. The flabbiness is simply a reality of the situation. But, though I may be tempted to feel like I am, I am not misshapen. I grew a human. This is the shape my body has after giving birth to said human. It is differentshapen if anything. But the prefix “mis” means wrong, and there is nothing wrong with a body looking like this after doing what it did.
Right now, even if I may not particularly like what I see, she does not see me look disapprovingly in the mirror, or pinch or grab the stretched out parts of myself. She does, however, see me take my progress photos, and she knows I am taking them so I can keep track of how strong I am getting, and so I can see my muscles grow.
Right now, she knows it is more important to be healthy than to be skinny. She knows this because I ask her from time to time, and she always gets the answer right. And I hope and pray she continues to believe it. Because it is the absolute, and total truth. She also knows all women are shaped differently, and we all are different shaped at different times of our lives. And that all of that is normal, and good.
When Others Say Things
I was glad tonight when a woman approached me and said “Look at you, all skinny already,” that Felicity was out of earshot. However, she was in earshot when her daddy recently, and briefly, forgot the deal and said “Look at mommy, isn’t she getting so skinny?!” I said, “No, daddy, I am getting healthy, and strong.” And Felicity echoed the same, acting almost as if her daddy was silly to have spoken in that way.
That a girl.
JP didn’t mean to do anything wrong- he was trying to pay me a compliment and acknowledge all the hard work I’ve been doing. But, he’s also man whose body has pretty much stayed the same since high school. Having never been a woman, he doesn’t fully get what we are doing here. But he also realized the mistake and corrected his own language as well. Nice recovery. Positive message reinforced.
Teaching Me
In some ways, I am also helping to teach myself how to think more healthily and graciously during this time. I have to frame my own thoughts better in order to make sure that the words I say match the message I want Felicity to hear. And, the little ways I’ve seen her repeat back to me the things I have spoken let me know that, at least as far as this goes, we are doing okay. She’s talked about how long it takes to grow a baby and stretch out, and that getting un-stretched out takes a long time too. She cheers me on when I am working out, yelling “You’re getting stronger mommy!” Yes, sweet girl. Yes I am. Thanks for the compliment.
These things are music to my ears. These things keep me going, and encourage me to continue on this path.
The path to health. To continued happiness. To being content right where I’m at. Even if I have a few more evenings with damp pant legs in my near future. We’ll get there. After all, these things take time.
Purchase Lorelei’s Books Here:
Lorelei is the author of creepy, magical, hopeful stories for children. Her debut, The Circus of Stolen Dreams, released in 2020. Her second book, a magical retelling of The Secret Garden, released in 2022. Both are available for purchase wherever books are sold.
Many aspects of Cathoicism, especially the Sacraments, are meant as a way for us to experience God both spiritually and physically. The idea is that God knows we are a body/soul composite, and therefore has given us the Sacraments for the benefits of both of these parts of our being. In the Sacrament of Reconciliation, for example, we are able to audibly hear that God forgives us. It is a spiritual truth, that we are able to experience using one of our physical senses.
So, to, the Sign of the Cross is another physical/spiritual combination. There are many levels of depth to this gesture, and this article will only cover the surface. Here is how and why we use the Sign of the Cross in and around a Catholic Mass.
What’s The Deal?
Well, simply put, the Sign of the Cross is a way that we acknowledge the Trinity. It’s a way for us to acknowledge our faith, and its a way that we both remember what Jesus did and who God is. It’s a physical sign of our faith in Christ. In fact, since all Christians believe in the Trinity, there is no reason why the Sign of the Cross would need to be limited to only Catholics. And it isn’t. Many Orthodox Christians, as well as Anglicans and Lutherans, also use this symbol.
Before and After Mass, At The Font
If you’ve ever been inside a Catholic church, you may notice little baptismal fonts at the front of the aisles as you enter the sanctuary. Or, some Catholic churches have the big baptismal fonts where they actually baptize people back at the entrance instead of on the altar.
As we enter the sanctuary, we dip 2 fingers in the font and make the sign of the cross over ourselves. We use 2 fingers to help remind us that Jesus was both God and Man. We make the Sign of the Cross with the waters of our baptism to renew our baptismal covenant. In essence, it reminds us of our baptism, and the grace that God has given us through it, and helps to build us up to continue to live our faith out in our lives.
Setting Aside A Holy Time
We begin and end Mass by making the Sign of the Cross together, as a congregation. This is a way that we set aside our time with an intention to focus on God. In Catholic homes, we also begin and end any time of prayer with this sign for the same reason. We bookend time set specifically aside for God with the Sign of the Cross.
During The Gospel, A Variation
There are several scripture readings during Mass. We stand before the Gospel Reading, for reasons explained here. And, just prior to the Gospel being read, we make the sign of the cross with our thumb over our foreheads, over our lips, and over our heart.
The reason for this is that we want to remember, always, to keep the Gospel in our thoughts, and on our lips when we speak, and in our hearts, always.
The Heart of the Matter
As with anything, if we simply go through the motions and do not engage our hearts in what we are doing, then the benefit of our actions is greatly reduced. You could make the Sign of the Cross until you were exhausted, but if you were just going through the motions, the purpose and intention of this gesture won’t be fully realized.
That’s why it is so important that Catholics engage their hearts when utilizing all these beautiful tools of our faith. And, when we do, it makes Mass, and our faith lives outside of Mass, that much more meaningful.
-Lorelei
Purchase Lorelei’s Books Here:
Lorelei is the author of creepy, magical, hopeful stories for children. Her debut, The Circus of Stolen Dreams, released in 2020. Her second book, a magical retelling of The Secret Garden, released in 2022. Both are available for purchase wherever books are sold.
I’ve been writing about a couple of more serious topics recently, so I thought it might be time to switch it up and get a little more lighthearted. Like by writing a post about Lent. Because Lent is known for being both lighthearted and fun! Ha ha! But, in all seriousness…
People. I am honestly, truly, so pumped about Lent!
I think part of the reason I’m so excited is because last year, at this time, I was approaching Confirmation. I was preparing in my heart for fully uniting with the Holy Catholic Church. And it was just a beautiful time of anticipation and reflection.
Another reason is that I have really grown to appreciate the liturgical seasons. They are such a rhythmic way to go through life, with periods of anticipation, and celebration, of sacrifice, and waiting, and also, normalcy. I think the cycle is so beautiful. And I know many of my Protestant brothers and sisters, in their faith traditions, are already or are starting to re-embrace some of these liturgical aspects, like Advent and Lent, as well. It is good for us to have a rhythm to our life. Like the seasons of the earth, only these are the seasons of our faith.
We move ever forward, and yet revisit that which is good for our souls time and time again as the years go by.
In this particular season of having three little ones at home, my desire is to start incorporating more formal traditions into our family life for the major liturgical seasons and Holy Days throughout the year. But also, not to bite off more than I can realistically chew. I may or may not have a tendency to think I am Superwoman. I submit Felicity’s third and fourth birthday parties as examples of this. One was a Frozen theme, the other Rainbows.
It is quite possible that my children will never experience this level of Pinteresty-ness again. I sure did have fun doing it, and hopefully the husband and grandparents that got roped into helping did too, but this momma has time to painstakingly cut out dozens of paper snowflakes by hand no longer. And if some day, some how, some way I do have the time and energy and will again… cool. But I’m really working on not putting that kind of pressure on myself if I just can’t. Right now I can keep 3 little humans alive and manage to maintain my sanity for the most part. This is enough.
So… I want to start traditions, but keep it manageable. I had a few ideas, but this year, I am settling on this one. Just adding one thing to our Lenten season as a family. And that one thing is… drumroll please…
Sacrifice Beans!
Oddly named, but pretty cool. I originally found this idea on one of my favorite Catholic Mommy blogs, Catholic All Year.
This Lent, whenever we do something that is a sacrifice for the benefit of another, we get to put a bean in the vase. This will primarily be for the kids, but they are welcome to call out JP or I making a sacrifice for another and we can put a bean in as well. We will continue to add beans to the vase all the way up until Easter. At which point, on Easter morning, they will arise to find that all their sacrifices have turned into Jelly Beans. We can continue this into the Easter season, and this time, when they sacrifice, they get to eat a Jelly Bean.
These Savaryns Are Ready To Go!
If things go well, Easter this year may be a bit more sugared up than usual. 🙂
My hope is that this will be a fun way to help all of us to focus on serving each other, and to remember to put others first during this season. Also, hopefully, this will help pave the way for our children, and for JP and I to continue to live just a little bit more selflessly as time goes on.
That’s about all I can take on this year. We can add other traditions as the years go by. But I’m glad to be doing something, and am glad to start our first significant family tradition during Lent.
What about you? Does your family have any special Lenten traditions? Are you going to try something new this year?
Purchase Lorelei’s Books Here:
Lorelei is the author of creepy, magical, hopeful stories for children. Her debut, The Circus of Stolen Dreams, released in 2020. Her second book, a magical retelling of The Secret Garden, released in 2022. Both are available for purchase wherever books are sold.
One of the biggest things I’ve learned through my own journeys through postpartum depression and anxiety is how good we humans can be at looking like we are okay. That’s partly why if I know you, and you have had a baby recently, there’s a good chance I will do my best to check in and ask you how you are doing. And, based on my own history, I might ask you more than once to make sure things haven’t changed, or to give you another chance to tell someone if something is wrong and you’ve still been keeping it to yourself. And if I’ve missed any of my friends because you seemed to be doing fine, I’m sorry. I know better.
And that’s also why I feel it’s important for me to be honest about my own experiences. I hope that women will be able to talk about postpartum issues easily and without shame and get the help that they need before things get too serious.
You see, this isn’t my first time at the postpartum depression/anxiety rodeo. But, there are some very significant differences in how things are going for me this time, versus how they went for me before.
The first time I had significant postpartum issues that required intervention was after the birth of our son, August. The second, right now, after the birth of our little Mary.
Then,
I stayed silent. Even after I knew something was terribly wrong, I kept it inside for weeks.
Now,
I started seeing a psychologist 2 months prior to Mary’s birth. She taught me strategies for dealing with depressive feelings and anxiety that I could later put to use if needed. I knew I had a significantly higher risk of dealing with depression/anxiety this time because I had experienced it before. I didn’t want to be silent if it happened again.
Then,
Postpartum anxiety and depression hit me like a freight train. I was having panic attacks, which I had never experienced before. I was driving erratically.I felt like I was stuck behind a wall and couldn’t access my own life. I was spending time thinking about the least traumatic ways to make myself disappear. All very abnormal for me, and all very scary. And I didn’t see it coming.
Now,
We knew exactly what to look for, and didn’t take it lightly. JP and I monitored my mental state regularly after the baby’s birth. I kept my counselor updated. I was honest. When, early on, I had some depression, and now, when I’m still dealing with anxiety, the conversation had already been started.
Then,
My treatment plan included me needing to take Zoloft for approximately 6 months. I also did every. single. thing. that I was told would help me recover. I saw a counselor, I exercised, I made myself shower, I started eating right, I let family help. Looking back, I don’t think if it were up to me doing it for myself, that I would have had the strength to do what I needed to do to heal. But as I read about depression, I learned about the effects of a depressed parent on her children. And so I took the medication for their sake. I did what I was supposed to do to recover for their sake. And, after a few weeks, little bits of my normal self began to peek through.
Now,
My treatment plan started before Mary’s birth with developing a relationship with my psychologist. I still see her regularly. I also began implementing all the things I learned the first time around, and the new tools I’d acquired as early as I could. I’m using a light therapy box and taking extra vitamins. Once I was cleared to exercise, I started to exercise. I journaled so I could track my mood and anxiety levels right from the get-go. We hired a postpartum doula to help with cooking, cleaning, laundry, and baby care. My mom comes to help for 3 days every other week. And when I started having symptoms, I put into place the strategies I learned from counseling. I wasn’t hit by a freight train this time around. I knew what to do, and was already getting the support I would need. So, overall, things have been less scary and less severe.
Then,
I considered myself fully recovered by the time my son was 7 months old. I put a lot of hard work into that recovery. And, thankfully, postpartum depression and anxiety is not a chronic issue. It might be reoccuring, depending on whether or not we have any more children, but it is not something you live with forever. And I held on to that hope that first, long, dark time through. Thankfully, it was true. I was totally back to my normal, functioning self. Morning had broken.
Now,
I don’t know how long I have until I will be fully recovered. I’m hopeful that based on the timing of my recovery the first time, that my body chemistry will level itself out by mid-summer, maybe sooner, especially with all I’m doing to help the healing process. I’m managing right now without medication, but I’m needing to keep things really simple. I know from experience that if I try and do too much on a given day, my anxiety will be worse. I know if I don’t get enough sleep, or can’t make up sleep with a nap my anxiety will be worse. I know if I don’t exercise, it will be worse. And, because of how I’ve been able to manage my symptoms much more effectively this time around with this treatment plan, and because we know that pace of life is a huge contributing factor in how well I do on a given day, we’ve had to make a difficult decision to extend my leave from work while I make sure I continue to recover well. This time I’m able to know that I want to recover fully and as soon as possible not only for my children, but also, for myself.
Beyond The Surface
Having postpartum depression and anxiety has helped me to desire to look more deeply in situations where people that might otherwise appear to be fine. We often put our best face forward for the world to see, and that best face can hide some deep pain or struggle underneath. I want to give a couple of personal examples of that, in the hopes that it can continue to remind me and others to extend compassion, and to encourage vulnerability.
Anyone who spotted me driving in the car last week with the kids would have seen what appeared to be a woman, simply driving. But they wouldn’t have known that I overscheduled myself on that day, and we were running late to get Felicity to theater class. In reality, we were going to be 2-3 minutes late. Which for normal Lorelei wouldn’t be a huge deal. But the hustle of trying to get there on time when I had attempted too much triggered my anxiety. I was working very hard to stay calm with the kids, but I assigned more blame on their lack of speed getting ready than I should have. My mind was racing as I tried to utilize the strategies I had learned to keep from panic taking over. And someone looking very closely would have noticed that as I drove, my hands were shaking.
Also this week, friends of mine on Facebook would have seen this picture of JP and I waiting for a concert to start:
Don’t we look so happy and excited?!
Cute pic. But what this picture doesn’t show is that not even ten minutes later, one of the opening acts came on, and the way the music was mixed was very heavy on the bass. It was so much bass that my insides were shaking. And my thoughts started racing… I thought the building was going to come down, or that something inside my body would stop working from all the shaking. There were people on all sides of me and I felt trapped. I tried to breathe, and tried to ground myself, and stick it out, but I just couldn’t.
None of those thoughts were rational. But that’s how anxiety works. So I used another strategy. I removed myself from the area, and sat out that act’s entire set in the concourse where the sound was much more muted. I told JP I was worried if the main act had that level of bass that I would struggle to be in there during their concert. Thankfully, their sound mix was very different and we were ok. But… the point is, that picture of me didn’t tell the whole story of the night. I didn’t put nearly running out of the area in a panic as my Facebook status for the evening.
I hope to be able to continue to be honest about what I’ve been through with others. Perhaps it will help someone feel less alone. Perhaps it will help someone make a decision to reach out. Because postpartum stuff is nothing to mess around with. Suicide is way up there with other leading causes of maternal death. But, taken seriously, it is so, so very treatable. And you totally get yourself back after you’ve done the hard work to recover, whether that be taking medication for a while, or excercising, or therapy, or any combination of the many, many tools available that help you get yourself back from the darkness.
Other Resources
Below are 3 resources I have taken advantage of at different points in my own postpartum journey, and that I found to be very helpful.
This Isn’t What I Expected. This is an amazing book that helped to normalize my experiences, and start me on the path of having tools to recover. It also has a whole chapter devoted to helping husbands know how to help their wives.
Postpartum Progress. This website contains stories from women about their postpartum experiences. It also has articles and links to resources for help.
Lorelei is the author of creepy, magical, hopeful stories for children. Her debut, The Circus of Stolen Dreams, released in 2020. Her second book, a magical retelling of The Secret Garden, released in 2022. Both are available for purchase wherever books are sold.
Now that we are approaching 10 years of marriage, we are clearly marriage experts. Haha.
Actually, we know very acutely that we are not. However, we do know a thing or two more than we did when we started dating nearly a dozen years ago.
And tonight, we reflected on the most romantic thing we have done recently for each other.
JP said the most romantic thing I have done recently for him was when I recently gave him a back massage. He knows physical affection is not one of my natural love languages, and therefore when I offer a back massage, he knows I am doing it for no other reason than I remembered it is relaxing for him, and because I love him.
The most romantic thing JP has done for me recently has been to explicitly encourage me to pursue a dream of mine. Something that requires me to set time aside. He asks me every few days if I have been able to make any progress, and he encourages me to structure my time to make it a priority. Knowing that he loves me enough to urge me forward with this goal means the world.
I think one of the things we’ve discovered in our time together is that real, abiding love is often found in the small gestures like the ones above, not exclusively in the grand ones. A big mega date can be awesome and fun and all kinds of other good things. But, unlike what some dating reality shows might lead us to believe, real love, and real relationships aren’t built in the big moments. They are built in the small.
And, unexpectedly, many times the small actions can be harder to pull off than the grand ones. Because you have to remember, in the day in day out ordinary moments of life to choose to love your spouse in a way that speaks to them. You have to choose to remember to do something to build up your spouse, especially when you get nothing out of it for yourself, simply because you love them. In the busyness of life, the remembering can be hard. But when we are intentional with each other, when I remember to give JP a big hug when he gets home so he can feel loved, and when JP remembers to keep the kitchen counter clean on the weekends so I can relax, when we love each other in the small ways, we both move through our days, whatever challenges may come, already built up by the love we have for each other. And that love can help sustain us.
Starting this Valentines Day, we plan to add one small thing to our daily routine. Something that we can do with and for each other, in the presence of our children, so that we may also set an intentional example for them of our marital love for each other in a small yet significant way. Our goal is to add this short, simple prayer to our family prayers at the end of the evenings. To hold hands with each other in the presence of our children and pray:
Lord, help us to remember when we first met and the strong love that grew between us.
To work that love into practical things so that nothing can divide us.
We ask for words both kind and loving and hearts always ready to ask for forgiveness as well as to forgive.
Dear Lord, we put our marriage into Your hands.
Amen.
If you are married, with or without kids, we challenge you to take the time to pray this prayer with your spouse on a daily basis along with us this year. Simply by taking a moment to ask God to be present in our love for each other, this one small prayer might just end up being that which helps us greatly along the path of learning to donate our selves for the benefit of our husband/wife, and thus to love them better.
-JP and Lorelei
Purchase Lorelei’s Books Here:
Lorelei is the author of creepy, magical, hopeful stories for children. Her debut, The Circus of Stolen Dreams, released in 2020. Her second book, a magical retelling of The Secret Garden, released in 2022. Both are available for purchase wherever books are sold.
This Catholic Family: Catholic Womanhood, Family, and Conversion 